Feed a cold...

Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat and an overall queasy feeling. Unfortunately, I am the world’s crankiest patient. Pretty much anything Devin has said to me the past 24 hours I responded negatively, angrily, or sarcastically. Fortunately, I don’t sick all that often. Today I was talking to my friend Diane. She’s a weight watcher who lost 170 pounds in 2000 and is maintaining successfully. I love chatting with her because she always has an insight that I can relate to. When I mentioned to her my amazement that people tell me they actually CAN’T eat when they’re sick, she laughed in agreement with me and said “eating feels so good that when I’m sick, I like to eat to take care of myself.” I replied “Yeah, I can’t think of anything better for a stomach ache than a nice big snack.” Of course, we laughed knowing that a saner approach would be to moderate food intake while ill. I’m sure from a scientific standpoint its hard to justify eating a sandwich to cure stuffy sinuses. Some foods – especially liquids – are indeed helpful, but they tend to be healthier things like soups and herbal infusions and the like. Personally, I’d prefer to eat cookies. At any rate, laughter was good medicine too. Talking to Diane put a smile on my face and helped me feel less silly about my quirks. It reminds me how important it is not to go through the tough stuff alone. I look back on all the times I tried to lose weight all by myself and all of the crazy ideas I had about how I would keep that weight off (i.e. ‘magically with no effort’). No wonder I felt depressed and despondent when I had setbacks. Being uninformed can really be a bummer. And when I’m depressed, boy do I like to eat! So now that I’ve had my reality check and a good laugh, its time for me to do the stuff that REALLY helps. Namely getting some rest and staying hydrated. Oh yeah, and being a little nicer to Devin.

Back Away ... from the Photo!

You were never overweight. This is a phrase that sends me to the edge and back again. Fortunately, I don’t hear it all that often. Unfortunately, I heard it earlier this week. Even worse, knowing I shouldn’t have … I responded. As we were in the elevator lobby headed to the meeting I was about to lead, my interlocutor blurted out “the phrase.” Since there really wasn’t a lead up to it, I must have responded without thinking. Because I know better. Trust me, I know better. “Well let me just show you my before picture!” I retorted, and even as I was pulling it out of my briefcase I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Grasping it from me and eyeing the photo with a glint, she stated, triumphantly “See! Just like I said! You were never FAT!” At this point in the conversation, my well-rehearsed reply should have surfaced. “Why thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment.” Followed by a severe smile. Instead I heard myself blurt out “But I lost FIFTY-TWO POUNDS!” (note: I usually just say “Fifty” … where in the hell did I come up with fifty-two??), snatching the photo back from her. “WELL!” she said, “you didn’t have to. You looked fine. You certainly were never fat.” Thank god the elevator arrived, and saved me from myself. As I thought about it later, I was really glad I hadn’t said what my next thought was. Namely, “You show me any person, ANYONE and then add fifty pounds of fat to their frame and then tell me they’re not overweight.” Can you imagine? I don’t think that would have led to further intelligent discourse. Because the fact is, when people say “the phrase” to me, its not really with malicious intent or rudeness. Its usually just from disbelief. After all, I’m a skinny person. And its got to be hard for people to deal with this skinny guy week after week, successfully modeling long-term weight loss. Especially since a lot of the time, the reason people are coming to meetings in the first place is that they find the struggle just too hard. It strikes me that I might be seen as rubbing it in their face. Naturally, I often share my own difficulties and setbacks and I think I’m reasonably open and empathetic. But that doesn’t necessarily inoculate me. Sometimes people are just so frustrated and so angry, that I end up being the target. And therefore if I take it personally, I’m completely missing the point. Perhaps, just perhaps, the best future response might be “You know, I sure hope people will say the same thing to you when you reach your goal weight. Because I know you will.” Smile warmly.

Tips

Last week I was contacted by e-mail and asked if I wanted to share some of my story on the "Weight Loss Tips" website. Never one to turn down an opportunity to promote myself, I readily agreed. And since they were nice enough to give me a few moments of fame, I think it only fair to return the favor and mention where you can find them: www.wltips.com (And of course if you want to see the write-up I did, its at http://wltips.com/Jonathan.html)

Talk it up

The other day Richard and I were trying to come up with an open-ended question (or questions) that would stimulate a discussion in a weight loss meeting. This might sound trivial, but if you’ve ever sat in front of a group of 40 people and tried to facilitate a conversation …. well let’s just say I have a LOT more respect for my high school English teacher. There are some tried and true ones. “What’s your favorite thing to have for breakfast” is good. Also another one is “What’s on your shopping list at Trader Joes?” The key is that the question has to be concise, interesting and answerable. It also has to have potential responses that aren’t embarrassing. So “what’s the worst binge you ever had” or “what adjectives do you use to describe yourself” are not something I’d ask. In the Jack Sprat comments I had two good questions recently. The first one was about Body Mass Index. Essentially, “is there something about being at or near the ‘healthy BMI range’ that can make it harder to lose weight?” With the corollary, “How do you know where in the BMI range you should shoot for?” Since I have no medical training and am unqualified to give health advice, I can only say that in my own case, when I first saw the so-called healthy range for 5’ 6”, well, that just seemed ridiculously tiny. So after losing about twenty pounds or so I went to my internist for some advice. He was helpful, and the number he suggested (about 10 pounds higher than the top of the range) was do-able, so I highly recommend that as a strategy. Funny thing though. When I finally got to that number, I felt so successful that I decided to keep going. And when I lost the last ten pounds, it felt amazingly good. So go figure. Another question that was asked of me was whether I used any reserve or bank of calories for a regularly scheduled splurge. In other words, “Do you give yourself a chance to blow off some steam as a way of warding off the sense of deprivation?” Now while this question doesn’t embarrass me, per se, I do think that my answer seems “wrong.” Because the fact is that I really don’t ever schedule a particular eating indulgence. I’ve tried it a few times, and unfortunately my obsessive nature threw me into a frenzy. It felt like giving a kid $20 and telling him he has to pick out ONE thing at the toy store. There are just so many choices. So whereas I acknowledge that the lack of planned treats may be a part of what leads me to overindulge, it does happen to be my modus operandi. (I’ve even blogged about this previously). My strategy generally is to spread the extras out across the week, so I have small treats every day (popcorn or ice cream or chocolate or crackers – whatever strikes my fancy). Anyway, help us out – what other questions do you have that you’d like to hear other people talking about? It can’t hurt to ask.

What did you expect?!

So this morning I hopped on the scale, feeling all hopeful and energetic, and then --after it beeped twice and flashed its number at me-- I stomped away in a huff. I mean, how DARE that number not be lower today! After all, I was so "perfect" -- I ate peacefully, got plenty of water, went to the gym, ran with the dog, journalled accurately and went to bed on time. Man, I did EVERYTHING it takes! Of course, I had only done those things for 24 hours. Prior to that it was binge-city. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson .... "DOH!" On the one hand, its great that hope springs eternal and that optimism often breeds positive actions as well as positive words. On the other hand, I suppose its possible to get a little too carried away in the expectations department. In fact, almost every week I find myself counseling a distraught client who has lost weight but feels that it was "not enough." Although the scale scenario put me in a cranky mood, my friend Donna made me laugh when she remarked that, geez, after a day of being "good" she wants to lose five pounds! Its so hard to pull all of the little pieces together each day -- there just HAS to be a reward! Unfortunately, this reminds me of the time when I was a kid and the scout leader told us "the best reward is knowing it was a job well done." Yeah. Uh huh. Right. Now seriously, where are the marshmallows? At any rate, if I force myself to find a moral to this morning's tale of woe, its that it teaches me that there's no point in striving for perfection, because there's no such thing as being perfect. I know I tell OTHER people that all the time. I guess its just time for me to be reminded of that lesson myself. What's needed is positive change, forward momentum, and a good attitude. After all, if I can be so "on program" for a whole 24 hours, what's to say I can't string together a whole WEEK like that? This isn't magic. I know how maintenance works (energy in - energy out = results). I expect its just a matter of time.

What did you expect?!

So this morning I hopped on the scale, feeling all hopeful and energetic, and then --after it beeped twice and flashed its number at me-- I stomped away in a huff. I mean, how DARE that number not be lower today! After all, I was so "perfect" -- I ate peacefully, got plenty of water, went to the gym, ran with the dog, journalled accurately and went to bed on time. Man, I did EVERYTHING it takes! Of course, I had only done those things for 24 hours. Prior to that it was binge-city. In the immortal words of Homer Simpson .... "DOH!" On the one hand, its great that hope springs eternal and that optimism often breeds positive actions as well as positive words. On the other hand, I suppose its possible to get a little too carried away in the expectations department. In fact, almost every week I find myself counseling a distraught client who has lost weight but feels that it was "not enough." Although the scale scenario put me in a cranky mood, my friend Donna made me laugh when she remarked that, geez, after a day of being "good" she wants to lose five pounds! Its so hard to pull all of the little pieces together each day -- there just HAS to be a reward! Unfortunately, this reminds me of the time when I was a kid and the scout leader told us "the best reward is knowing it was a job well done." Yeah. Uh huh. Right. Now seriously, where are the marshmallows? At any rate, if I force myself to find a moral to this morning's tale of woe, its that it teaches me that there's no point in striving for perfection, because there's no such thing as being perfect. I know I tell OTHER people that all the time. I guess its just time for me to be reminded of that lesson myself. What's needed is positive change, forward momentum, and a good attitude. After all, if I can be so "on program" for a whole 24 hours, what's to say I can't string together a whole WEEK like that? This isn't magic. I know how maintenance works (energy in - energy out = results). I expect its just a matter of time.

Sun Rise

Except for my family and long-time friends, pretty much everyone I interact with these days has always known me as a thin person. That's a good feeling for the most part – I'm definitely not complaining! It helps me stay strong in my identity and reinforces my desire to maintain a healthy weight and be fit. It also removes that whole "I'm trying to lose weight" dialogue that it seems like I was always having with people the last twenty-five years or so of my life. There are some rare instances, however, when this new identity isn't everything its cracked up to be. That's something I take responsibility for, however. Because I do spend a lot of time consciously playing the character of healthy-living "role model." No one forces me to do that, it's a choice I make. The trouble for me comes when I hit a speed-bump on the maintenance journey. First, I feel reluctant to show to my friends that I'm not always the stalwart maintainer that I profess to be. And second, a lot of people just don't view me as a person who would need any kind of help with overeating. After all, if I "really" had problems with food, wouldn't I be overweight? But the fact remains that I'm not cured. There are times when the forces and desires that led me to my highest, most unhealthy weight revisit me and haunt my thoughts and emotions. Self-awareness, years of positive results and a great support network don't mean that I never doubt myself or that I maintain an ability to resist temptation. I was thinking about this last night as I was seemingly inhaling everything in my kitchen that wasn't nailed down. (Except for the fruits and vegetables.) Again and again I reached into the fridge and rummaged through the cabinets in a fruitless (literally) search to satisfy my eating desires. I felt like such a failure. While there isn't *always* a reason for times like these, I'm guessing that to some extent the fact that I was pretty stressed out last week and I wasn't getting enough sleep, have contributed to my seeking solace in junk food. And what gets me is that I know what I'm doing – its not like I'm unaware that consuming three ice cream bars and a box of crackers in 15 minutes is "problematic" behavior. Usually, it helps when I remind myself that I have great friends, and have also worked with hundreds of people who have gone through this same kind of thing. I also realize that these episodes are precisely what gives me the ability to empathize with others and to be gentle with them (and with myself). It gives me the ability, if not to snap out of it, at least to ride out the storm. And there's nothing quite so reassuring as watching the sun rise on a clear morning afterwards, as I know it will.

BBQ

Last night we had Korean barbecue with a couple Devin knows from work. The hole in the wall that we go to in the Richmond district is one of the few restaurants that we both love (Devin because of the spicy food, me because of its high vegetable content). The place itself is pretty dingy. Just eight or ten large rectangular tables around the perimeter of the room, with each having a large square hole in the center and a ventilation hood above. We had to arrive extremely early (5:30) because unless you’re in the inner circles of the local Korean community, you can’t get a reservation, and it can take hours and hours to wait for a table. Although the venue is charmless (standard formica tabletops, beat up metal chairs with red plastic seats, etc.) its permeated with the delicious smell of grilled food and wonderful spices. And as long as you’re seated facing away from the crowd of people in the front room staring you down and waiting to get in, its relaxing enough. What always blows my mind is that when you choose to grill your own food, a guy comes out from the back with two white-hot braziers of charcoal and places them right in the center of the table. A grill is placed on top of that, and away you go! As I was thinking about it this morning, however, what sticks out in my mind was not the excellent food we had, but the rather silly conversation we had about ordering food. Each of the four of us had likes and dislikes which were clearly stated, but none of us spoke for ourselves. Instead the conversation went like this. Girlfriend: Let’s order number nine. Jonathan: No, Devin really likes to grill his own food so lets order from the first part of the menu. How about number five? Boyfriend: No, my girlfriend doesn’t eat pork. We should stick to something else. Devin: How about number three. Girlfriend: No, my boyfriend doesn’t like the taste of fish. Let’s go four number two. Devin: No, Jonathan’s allergic to shrimp, let’s order some soup to start with. Girlfriend: Okay, but my boyfriend would prefer the vegetarian soup. Jonathan: Well I know that Devin really likes the spicy one with tofu, instead. And on and on. What was so silly is that the way the food is served, the waitress rolls out a cart with a dozen or more small dishes on it and places them all on the table. I don’t know the names of a lot of them, but they range from kim chee and bean curd, to itty bitty fish and dried seaweed. Most important, they bring out plates of large leaf lettuce, which are used as wraps. When the meat is brought out, its placed in strips on the grill and you cook it however you wish. As a result, pretty much no matter WHAT is ordered, you have the power to choose for yourself the things you like and to avoid the things you don’t like. I really couldn’t have cared less what was ordered, because I knew that I would be able to assemble a lot of tasty wraps. In the end, we were all stuffed and satisfied. In fact, we went through several rounds of the small plates and every one of them got polished off. I can hardly wait to go back!