Your Attention, Please!

On Saturdays, I don’t eat breakfast or drink coffee first thing in the morning, because that’s the day I do my ‘official’ weight every week. (I also choose my clothes carefully, but since I’m working, I can’t just chose shorts and a t-shirt!). And since there are two meetings in a row, once I’ve weighed, I only have time to sip coffee and water until I’m done. I’ll often bring a piece of fruit and a snack bar, as well, which I eat afterwards. When I get home on Saturdays I tend, therefore, to be a little cranky and anxious. It’s a minor thing – I’m never weak, or ravenous or feeling crazed. Still, I’m definitely at a point where I’m hungry enough that anything I think of eating seems like a good idea! What I realized today, was that when I let things go until I get to that physical and mental state, my food choices stop being rational and start being reactionary or emotional. And as I’m preparing my meal, the foremost thought in my mind is that I need LOTS of food. LOTS AND LOTS! So quite often I’ll prepare a salad, and some fruit, and a sandwich, and a smoothie, and some veggies, and some crackers, and on and on. This afternoon, however, I was fortunate enough to ‘snap to’ long enough to realize what was going on. So, rather than rush to the kitchen to prepare a mountain of food to be consumed immediately, I simply made a very quick sandwich (two slices of turkey, with tomato, on whole grain bread). And I sat down and ate, giving myself time to savor and enjoy the whole thing. A few minutes later, I was still ready to eat more (I don’t know if ‘hungry’ was the right word), but as I got up and headed to the kitchen, at least I was rational and able to decide that I didn’t need to eat every last thing in the fridge. At that point, I was able to convince myself that I could limit myself to just a one or two things and still feel pretty satisfied. In fact, what I realized was …. more than anything, I needed a nap! Its weird how out of tune we are with our bodies. I’m not sure this is true, but I’d venture to guess that its a byproduct of the modern age, where we have artificial light at night, temperature-controlled air all day, machines that carry us from one place to another, and entertainment media that demand our attention with their incessant flashing and their noise-making. So perhaps the flip side of the ‘denial’ thing that I wrote about yesterday is that a big part of this healthy journey is simply about paying attention. Its about listening to our bodies – not just the hunger signal, but every clue we can get. Am I tired? Does my back ache? Is my tummy already full? Are my eyes and nose feeling scratchy? All of it. And sure, sometimes food truly is the answer … but only if it’s actually the thing in question. If I’m sleepy, or angry, or anxious, or excited, or just plain worked up into a frenzy, maybe all I really need is to sit down for a second to collect my thoughts. Its worth a shot. I might even learn something. Like a sandwich can be a pretty great meal.

No Blame, No Shame

One of my pet peeves is this constant stream of headlines about research into the ‘causes’ of weight gain. Let’s face it, for the vast, vast majority of us, it stems from one thing, and one thing only. A calorie surplus. So scientists seem to focus on reasons why that surplus happens – is it a hormone secreted in our brain that stimulates overeating? Is it a genetic legacy passed down to us by ancient survivors of a famine? Are we induced into this excess by the kinds of chemicals used to process foods? Are artificial sweeteners to blame? The latest ‘breaking research’ out there is that some people are more efficient users of calories (i.e. create the calorie surplus more easily) because of the bacteria in our tummies. Excuse me while I go check the expiration date on that yogurt in my fridge! So I suppose the ‘cure’ for being overweight will be a hormone pill? A needle filled with bacteria? A genetic therapy treatment? Discontinuation of all processed foods? I’ve said this many times, but it bears repeating – when I was at my highest weight 50+ pounds ago, I was absolutely convinced that I had some kind of mysterious undiagnosed ailment. I had my doctor check for everything under the sun, and every time any article or news came out about health matters, I scoured it for possible clues to this inexplicable problem of mine. Because I worked out so much and ate so ‘healthy’ I was just absolutely certain that my excess pounds had NOTHING to do with overeating, much less a ‘calorie surplus.’ Sadly in 2002, I discovered the real ailment. Its called … DENIAL. Whether it was because of my brain chemistry, my biological inheritance, hormones, my difficult childhood, or whatever, the fact is that more calories were entering into my body every day than my body was capable of using. Over time, day after day, I had been providing this excess fuel to my body. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t ask a medical professional for advice, but I do want to emphasize that the reason many of us are looking for the ‘culprit’ behind our weight is that we have accepted this notion that something (or someone) is to ‘blame.’ Because being overweight is ‘bad.’ Overeating is a ‘weakness.’ ‘Laziness’ is caused by (or does it cause?) too much eating. And that’s what’s crazy-making to me. We beat ourselves up, or we get mired in anger and frustration over the infliction of this problem, and there are researchers and scientists and helpful friends and family all around us to step in with a diagnosis. And, as victims of this crime, we become engaged in this confusing series of arguments. But the more time we fret over the ‘how’ and the ‘why,’ the less time (and energy) we have to figure out the ‘what next.’ Sure, it makes sense for us to have knowledge about the causes of obesity. But don’t let that stop you from thinking about ways to focus on healthier foods, exercising a little more, and ENJOYING the process of slimming down. Because the cure for denial isn’t punishment and blame, but rather an enlightened forgiveness that leads to better, smarter choices.

Enough is Enough

Its funny, when I show people my 'before' picture (which I have to do on occasion) it often makes me feel a little self-conscious because I worry that they'll think I'm trying to show off. But twice this week I got a sort of opposite reaction from people, and that startled me. In both cases the person --while looking at my 'before'-- said something like 'Hmmm. You didn't need to lose weight. I can hardly tell the difference.' Excuse me? What is it that people are looking for that will legitimize the weight loss that they think is meaningful? Why do we fixate on numbers and amounts of time? Why are we always looking to find the dramatic changes before we're willing to believe that something works? Put it this way: I know a woman who took over a year to lose 15 pounds. I know another, similar-sized woman, who lost that much in three months. Who knows more? The one who lost FASTER? Why? Subtle changes might not be sexy or compelling, but pretty much every bit of research I've ever seen and all the anecdotal evidence I've witnessed, tells me that it truly is the small things that count. For example, I know several people who've actually gained weight while training for, and running, a marathon. But I know many, many more people who've lost weight by slowly adding in a little more walking to their daily routine. A marathon is amazing, sensational, life-altering, and admirable. But doesn't it also require a huge shift in attitude to get off the bus a stop earlier, to walk up stairs instead of using the elevator, to find ways throughout the day to be a little more active? Yet we are drawn to the big differences, the notable changes, the remarkable contrasts. In magazine ads, TV commercials, etc. whether its for weight loss, plastic surgery, or acne medicine, the 'before' and 'after' pictures are always trying to amaze us. Its that 'WOW factor' that impresses us. But I'm here to burst that bubble. Because the more we look for the really major changes that we can make, the more we are missing out on the true opportunity to form new habits and create new realities. If every new thing that you do in order to lose or maintain weight has to be a major shift, how many things could you possibly find that would yield those kinds of results? And would you even be able to tolerate them? One of the lessons I've learned by working with so many hundreds of people on weight management the past few years is that it doesn't matter how big or small someone is, it doesn't matter how much weight they have lost or want to lose -- pretty much anyone can motivate me, inspire me, and teach me new things. Because the scale doesn't measure intelligence, or worthiness, or success. In the end, the only thing that truly matters is that someone has cared enough, worked hard enough and believed in themselves enough, to create realistic, lasting, change. And you won't find it in any before-after photograph.

After, After

Its not that losing weight is easy or effortless. But over the course of my life there were multiple occasions during which I lost significant amounts of weight. The problem was that I kept gaining it back, plus friends! I’m glad that four years ago, I learned new and healthier habits that allowed me to lose weight in a different way, and I’m very proud of this ‘after’ picture from May 2002 showing the results. But the real concern I had, from the day I first hit goal, was to learn how to ‘perfect’ maintenance. How in the heck was I going to be able to keep this weight off? After all, during the losing phase, there was always that end-point, that destination to look forward to. Now that I got to ‘after’ what was next? Its this question which got me involved in working in the weight management field. First off was my desire to stay at my goal weight which I figured I would have to do if I was putting myself out there as a role model day after day. But I also wanted to be working with other people on this journey so that I could help them and that they could help me back. Turns out, I’m not perfect! And --most definitely-- I’m not cured. I still love food, I still am capable of overeating, and there are times when being a role model seemed like way too much pressure. The actual practice of maintaining my weight has turned out to be a full-time occupation. One where I don’t have all the answers, and where I stumble from time to time. But that doesn’t mean its impossible, and it is–most definitely—worthwhile. So it is, that the other day, when I caught my reflection in the full sized mirror at the gym, and old, unhelpful, critical and negative little voice popped up. Looking at my trim and healthy self, it said ‘what a shame it will be when all that is covered up by fat again.’ Crazy, huh? Which is why I forced Devin (an excellent, but reluctant, photographer) to trot out his old-style 35 mm camera and take some pictures. And I dug into my closet, and found the exact same outfit that I used in my 2002 ‘after’ picture. Striking a similar pose, I asked him to shoot away. Because I wanted to prove to myself that there is indeed, an ‘after’ after. And there is. June 2006

Well Oil Be Darned!

While I haven't ever found any scientific data on this, my personal belief is that, over time, what we eat has an affect on our pallette. In fact, I think there is some kind of feedback loop. So when we eat refined stuff, with lots of sugary carbs and salt, we seem to become more attuned to those things and less pleased by other tastes. Over time we think 'only sugar and salt tastes good enough.' By the same token, in this scenario, the more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains we eat, the more we start to notice their flavors, and become attuned to THEM. And while this doesn't mean sugar and salt start to taste 'bad' ... at least they lose some of their appeal. And we can actually start to crave healthy foods. Of course I'm speculating here and drawing conclusions based merely on my own personal experience. But I do know that I never truly tasted most veggies before four years ago, and that when I cook them up now, the aroma is very appealing. Now I haven't completely eliminated all sugary, fatty, salty, junky foods from my life, but I eat them in relatively tiny quantities these days. So a very small amount can go a long way. Among other things, I eat only a fraction of the cheese, butter and cream that I used to -- and yet I don't have a sense of being deprived. Also, I'm a HUGE fan of artificial ingredients (please, don't hate me). So I'm perfectly satisfied by spraying on something that tastes like butter, sprinkling a powder that tastes like cheese, and using other flavoring agents (like sucralose). If you are a healthier and more holistic person than I am, I would still bet that you could use fairly small amounts of 'real' butter or 'real cheese' or 'real' sweetener that, over time, would seem pretty tasty. Tonight I got a funny reminder of how different my taste buds are in 2006 than they were in the 'old days.' After work tonight I was stir-frying up some of the amazing and awesome veggies that I have been writing about the last two days, and Devin asked if he could try some (we eat separately, that's another post). He noted how enticing the aroma of ginger was, and when I served him his (naturally teeny tiny) portion he also exclaimed how good it looked. I served myself and sat down with him and we each savored every last bite. And then he said 'you know, these weren't half bad, considering you didn't use any oil.' Which struck me as astonishing, because I had indeed used oil. But what I did was pour some into the hot skillet ... and then I wiped it out with a paper towel, evenly coating the entire surface, before dumping in the veggies. To me, that is simply 'cooking with oil.' But to the rest of the world, I guess that's just plain weird. Good thing I saved most of the veggies for myself. They were soooooo good.

Super Veggies

When I wrote about veggie shopping yesterday, I forgot to note that another important reason I stopped buying fresh produce was due to the time, labor and inconvenience of preparing the darn things once I lugged them home. I laughed with commiseration when I read in Debbi's blog about eating the fruit first and leaving the greens to molder and rot over time. So yesterday I did something (for me) new and novel. I emptied all of the shopping bags and put the veggies in a sink full of water. One by one I pulled each item out, cleaned it, diced it, chopped it, sliced it, minced it, or whatever else needed to be done. Then I dumped it all into several large pans and mixed it all around. After that, I filled eight individual large ziploc bags with equal measures of the mixture. Now all I need to do is pull a bAG out of the fridge, dump it in a hot frying pan, and away we go! Devin even reminded me that I can freeze the bags and that way I don't have to worry about spoilage. The up front time was probably 45 minutes (maybe an hour). Tonight, when I got home after working my regular job AND my part time job, I just whipped up a stir fry, and minutes later I was at the table eating. Delicious. No mess, no big chopping production. Fresh, frozen, stir fried, steamed, grilled or whatever... I have to admit that veggies are only good for you if you actually EAT them.

Sunset Super

When I first began eating healthier, one day Devin casually remarked that he couldn’t believe I was wasting so much money by shopping at the Safeway. That confused me. I always thought of mainstream grocery stores as the cheapest way to buy food. But then Devin drove me over to the foggy part of the city (called, ironically, the ‘Sunset District’) to the ‘new Chinatown.’ Irving Street is lined with all manner of shops purveying foods and dry goods, with everything spilling out onto stands on the sidewalk and lots of pedestrians going to and fro with pink plastic shopping bags picking through what’s on offer. We struggled to find a parking space and then Devin took me to the oddest place I’d ever been. The ‘Sunset Super.’ This is a Chinese market to beat all … its very small, and yet has an almost unimagineable variety of fruits, meats, vegetables, crackers, canned goods, utensils, live seafood, and rice. Lots of rice. Bags and bags of the stuff. The aisles are impossibly narrow, the shelves are over-packed to the point of bulging. The shopping carts are tiny and narrow – looking just like the ‘toy carts’ that some mega-retailers provide to children accompanying their parents in play-shopping. The market is amazingly crowded, noisy, and redolent. To the unaccustomed yankee boy from New England, ‘it smells.’ And many of the signs are hand-lettered in Chinese characters, so as to render the particularly odd and unusual ‘aromatic goods’ even more mysterious. The staff are monolingual. That is, they don’t speak English and have no time to bother if you try and ask them a question. But if you keep your wits about you (watch out for the sharp elbows of impatient old ladies trying to get by) and you explore a bit, you can find just the most amazing stuff. The canned goods are particularly amazing, ranging from spam to bamboo shoots to pickled chili radishes. And once you get past the fact that the veggies are not antiseptically clean and not picture perfect, its stunning what you’ll find there. But, most important to Devin was not that he could get his Nori Maki, or his salted plums, or his shrimp cakes. No, most important to him were the rock bottom prices. About half of what I was paying for things at the Safeway. Truly astonishing. For years while I was working only part time (and therefore broke, with a lot of free time) I practically lived at the Sunset Super. I shopped carefully and diligently and challenged myself to constantly try new things that I’d never had before, even if I didn’t know what they were. I always came home with a car full of pink shopping bags, bulging to the brim. I went so often that once, fleetingly, a clerk smiled at me! Oddly enough, when I started working full-time again, the allure of that market faded. It was out of the way. Parking was a nightmare. I was tired of being shoved aside. You couldn’t buy ketchup there. Whole Foods is so much cleaner. Etc. etc. In short, I stopped going. Today, however, Devin and I took Paco for a walk at the beach and I suggested to Devin we stop at Sunset Super on the way home. With visions of salted plums dancing in his eyes, he agreed. Now, I can’t remember everything I got, but here’s a partial list Bamboo shoots Canned mushrooms Chinese cabbage Daikon radish Fresh ginger Japanese eggplant Kohlrabi Large mushrooms (name unknown) Leeks Miniature corn Onions Peeled garlic Pickled ginger Pickled salted cucumbers Red peppers Rice vinegar Small white mushrooms Soy pickled shiitakes Trumpet royale mushrooms Water chestnuts We bought so much that our miniature shopping cart couldn’t hold it all. And spent less than what I usually do carrying home three lightly loaded Safeway bags. Super, indeed.