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  • "Every great accomplishment begins with the decision to TRY!"

    "People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." --H. Jackson Brown

    "Decide what you want; decide what you're willing to exchange for it; establish your priorities, and go to work." --H.L. Hunt

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    Saturday, July 22, 2006

    Self-ish

    On the way to the airport tonight Devin and I had a long conversation about our visit to my folks. As an outside observer of my family, he has good perspective and its helpful for me to talk things over since (damn him!) he doesn't take sides. Whether we talked about sibling relationship, parenting, or food, the issue that came up time and again was 'control'.

    There seems to be a belief in my family that for us to operate cohesively, someone has to lead. Which, of course, means lots of people have to follow. It does make some sense, since if 18 people sharing one tiny house were all going off in wild directions, it would be chaos. And if we sat around in a big circle holding hands and trying to reach 'consensus' nothing would ever get done (and it wouldn't be much of a vacation).

    And I think my resistance to all of this is based on the fact that I'm not in synch with the family ethos. I neither want to be the leader, nor do I want to be a follower. Devin often says to me "well if you want to control what you eat, then you need to be the one in charge of making the meal for the whole family." But my natural desire is not to have to be the one completely responsible for such a huge undertaking. I want the benefit of everyone's company, but not the responsibility that goes along with it.

    So in my family, that makes me selfish.

    Because I'm afraid my 'self' will drown in a regimen of top-down control, I rebel at the idea of someone else setting my agenda, telling me when, where and what I'll eat, where I'll sleep, what chores I need to do, etc. I rebel because the moment I feel 'trapped' I know I'll turn to food as solace (and junk food, of which there is plenty, at that). I rebel because I feel that the choice is either impose my own 'self' on everyone else, or have someone else's be imposed on me.

    I'm probably blowing it out of proportion a bit, but you get the idea. Its the social dynamic of the group. And since this particular group has two unusual key factors --we go way back, and yet we hardly ever see one another-- it's hard for all of us to adjust.

    All I know is, when I leave, I usually feel like I haven't done the proper thing. I haven't stepped up to the plate, I've just eaten off of it and scurried away. Because I'm so selfish.

    Of course, Devin offered me an alternative path -- to communicate with my siblings and establish what I can do and what I can't do and see if we can work things out ahead of time. I hate when I hear good advice like that. Because it makes sense. Of course, I won't have the opportunity to try that out until next year.

    Thank. God.

    1 Comments:

    Very Interesting! I was watching a Buddhust program on TV early this morning (while running on a treadmill by the way) and the teaching was all about active & passive roles: how we need them both. Sometimes we think we know best, so we actively try to take control, which can be good or bad. Sometimes to show respect for the feelings/opinions of others, we have to take a passive role for a while.
    It was much deeper than that--our entire days are passive-active in everything we do and feel... but it was strange to find your post on the same subject!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:26 AM  

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    Friday, July 21, 2006

    Tempting

    Oscar Wilde famously wrote that he could 'resist anything but temptation.' I've often felt that way myself. Lately this has been on my mind because I always nag myself about my inability to exercise any sort of food sanity when I'm with my family. So many times I've sat on that plane home with that feeling of overstuffed regret and amazement.

    In my 'normal' day to day life, I've set down a fairly healthy eating pattern and I usually feel happy, satisfied and comfortable with my choices. But come time to visit my folks and its gobble, gobble, gobble. The sad thing is, my family are not gourmands. Its not like I'm tempted by Mama's meatballs or Aunt Tillie's fried chicken. To the contrary, we grew up on burgers, hot dogs, and macaroni & cheese. And that's pretty much what's on offer to this very day.

    This visit, however, I've tried to stay a little more aware of my feelings and my surroundings, taking stock of the situation, and not being mad at myself (or others). I have had a few more insights about the social dynamic, and, most amazing to me is that it finally dawned on me that the majority of my relatives are actually rather slender. I never really took stock of that before, strange as it may seem. Although my parents were overweight their entire lives only one of my siblings and I got that trait (whether nature or nurture, who knows).

    So today, as I looked around the kitchen at the usual panoply of junk (boxes and boxes of oreos, bags of chips, piles of chocolates, brownies, cake, fried everything, ice cream, etc. etc.) I realized that its no wonder I eat crazy when I'm with my folks. Because the majority of them (just like Devin) have some built-in regulator that allows them to eat that stuff without going to excess.

    And there you have it. I've spent decades of my adult life searching my soul in for the 'weakness' that causes me to 'misbehave' when I visit my relatives. And now I see that its possible, just possible, that the real issue is the constant temptation I see at every turn. Hardly a moment goes by when food of some sort or another isn't being offered, passed around or talked about.

    Granted, the things that trigger my desire to eat are emotional, stress-related, and very tangible. But when that trigger goes off (and boy does it do that when I'm visiting back East), being surrounded by the most sugary, junky food available sure doesn't help. Nor does watching other people eat that stuff with seeming impunity!

    And it makes sense when they see me with my non-fat yogurt, my mixed greens, my fruit, my healthy vegetables, they look at me quizzically and assume that there's something 'odd' about my choices. To their minds, I should just eat whatever is there, and stop when I'm full. And they can't see that's the problem -- when I'm emotionally hungry, its not possible for me to be full no matter how much I eat!

    I'm tempted to explain all of this to them. But in this case, that's one temptation I'll resist.

    2 Comments:

    Not sure what it is about families but I have the same problem. Part of it is that at my house, I have things under control and don't keep potato chips, candies, and cheese curls hanging around. Another is sort of the feeling of wanting to do what everyone else is doing and belong vs. stand out for eating "weird stuff."

    Anyway, sounds like you're doing well -- congratulations.

    By Blogger Unknown, at 11:15 AM  

    Jonathan,
    Emotionally hungry - that comment resonates with me. There have been times in the past and fortunately less now, where no amount of food could fill the hole in my heart. When I saw the title of Geneen Roth's book "Feeding the Hungry Heart" I knew that was a book for me.
    Thank you for your daily blog,

    Sharon

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:01 PM  

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    Thursday, July 20, 2006

    Buffet o’ My Heart


    Its funny how often people tell me that buffets can be their downfall. Personally I find that often I can craft at least something both tasty and edible if given the leeway to serve myself and do a little creative editing. At least in my own experience, the times when there is just simply NOTHING healthy are fairly rare. Of course, I’ve been known to make a meal out of the garnish!

    My Mom’s 80th birthday party today was replete with all kinds of amazing hors d’oeuvres, canapés, crackers, treats and the like. The buffet had all sorts of creamy, cheese and butter laden entrees, as well. My strategy was to dig around and grab a bunch of the crudités (broccoli and cauliflower, red peppers and tomatoes) and then add some mixed greens. I picked out the veggies from a few of the other steam dishes and loaded up my plate.

    But I did have one secret weapon.

    On the way to the party, I asked Devin to stop at the market, where I bought a small jar of mild salsa. I’ve found this is something you can pretty much buy anywhere, and its usually not expensive at all. In California, I must say, there is a vastly wider array of salsa types, but even here in New Jersey I was able to find some good stuff.

    So, after loading up my plate, I dashed on a little salsa and, voila, had my healthy entrée. I also added some roasted chicken for protein. It was so good, I went back for seconds. Okay, and thirds!

    By the time it came for the cake, I was pretty full, so I satisfied my urgings with a single bite from Devin’s plate. (Wow… total trigger food, I could have snarfed down eight or nine whole slices). But after that bite, I decided I was done.

    Long after the caterers had packed everything up and left, and we had moved the celebration indoors to just talk and reminisce, my sister brought out this MASSIVE tray of cookies and pastries. But that wasn’t enough. She also bought several large tubs of mini brownies. I looked it over and thought ‘Hmmm…. I’ll have six of everything!”

    But truth be told, my buffet dinner had not only been tasty and satisfying, it left me feeling like it was possible to enjoy myself without over eating. So I focused on the slide show my niece had put together and intently listening to the stories and laughter.

    Victory, thy name is spelled b-u-f-f-e-t!

    4 Comments:

    Jonathan you are sooooo groovey!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:42 AM  

    Ok I spelled Groovy wrong. But you're my hero.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:46 AM  

    What a great report on a family event. Bravo! You continue to inspire. --Richard

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:28 AM  

    I was at a meeting yesterday where we ate lunch at a hotel buffet. Most of the vegetables had cheese on them, with the exception of green peas and collards (very obviously cooked with pork), and every single meat (with the exception of the liver and onions) was fried. Fried chicken, fried catfish, and chicken-fried steak. Thank God there was a salad bar of sorts.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:08 AM  

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    Wednesday, July 19, 2006

    Red Eyes and Reality

    Tonight Devin and I are taking the redeye back East to see my folks at our family beach house. I know that for most people family reunions are joyous happy occasions. For me, it’s a mixed bag. I do have fond feelings for most of my family members, but I also carry around with me a lifetime of experience that leads me to be cautious when I visit them.

    Old resentments, petty jealousies, childhood roles – these things spring to the fore even when I think all of my therapy and self-actualization have prepared me for change. I know that all of us are well-intentioned. It just that, seeing each other once a year at most, we don’t have a lot of experience being together and emotions sometimes get the better of us (okay, they get the better of ME!).

    Last year I seem to recall eating about 142 chocolate chip cookies on my annual trek to Mom’s beach house. And I remember resentful looks and impatient gestures from the times I tried to squeeze into the tiny kitchen to make myself something healthy to eat. It doesn’t help that I’m a bit of a control freak and that gene seems to be one I share with my four siblings and my Mother. When we’re all together with spouses, children and pets … well, its not always easy.

    In the past I’ve tried to visualize my desired outcome… “I’ll go and I won’t overeat.” Or “I’ll be peaceful and calm and won’t let anyone upset me” or “I’ll go running every morning and that will make me feel better.” But those have proved problematic. Because those things aren’t always something I can do, or which work for me.

    This time my goal is to simply do ONE THING. I’m going to a weight loss meeting ONE DAY.

    Naturally, I have a kit bag of other strategies … I’m bringing running gear, I’m bringing healthy snacks for the plane and, more importantly, we’re staying at a motel. Devin asked for us to have a room with a fridge and microwave so we’ll at least be able to do a few things our own way. But based on past experience, I’m not going to count on all of those things working, or even some of them.

    So this year, I’m taking the time to do one simple thing that will take, at most, about an hour. If everything else falls by the wayside, so be it. I just want to set myself up for success. As someone told me today, I need to release my attachment to the outcome!

    I’ll keep you posted!

    4 Comments:

    No one in my mother's family has any organizational skills.They buy loads of junk/the fridge is packed! The dining table is piled with last years newspapers, old pizza boxes etc... & they love restaurants. (like Pancake Houses, All u Can Eats, and Mcdonalds) They are closed minded but can be sweet: They mean well. I once asked to borrow a bicycle.They said they had some in the garage. I had to move 1,000 old pizza boxes and many dozens of KFC buckets, and other trash. I got the bike out though, and rode away very swiftly! (yes they have bi-weekly trash pickup.)

    My Dad's family are 100% wonderful, in every way-- they are a mixed race, very open group, some are vegetarian, all are active. We laugh and enjoy ourselves! So that balances things out--We love visiting them.
    enough about me...
    KEEP MOVING JONATHAN! enjoy being outside!!!!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:37 AM  

    I love that you are setting yourself up for success. I, too, have a family visit coming up, and my mother's candy jar is already calling to me, all the way from Chicago. You've inspired me to see if I can find a meeting as well. --Richard

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:46 AM  

    I just returned from my family's annual get-together, and it is always a nutritional nightmare. We have high blood pressure, heart problems, overweight, you name it, in the family and yet everyone cooks old southern favorites, meaning heavy on the fats and veggies cooked to death. Not a crisp veg in sight. So I do try and budget my cals, watch what I eat before and during, and move as much as possible. Devin's got the right idea on staying elsewhere - I began doing that ages ago and it means sanity! And some peace and quiet, and a refuge should things get heated.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:34 AM  

    I must say that in the past I've found it very difficult to find healthy eating options at my family's: they live way out in the sticks, as far away from anywhere as you can get here in the UK - there isn't even a local shop (they have to have things delivered) and there is a limit to the amount of my own food I can tote with me on the 12-hour train-coach-then-car journey. I've given up trying to eat particularly well while I'm there and, like you, am sticking to simple strategies: 1) eat fruit (it's one healthy staple most families have available, even mine; 2) exercise - long walks are the key to my physical and mental health whilst I'm at my family's and 3) - sorry, a strategy borrowed from Oprah, but which works for me: BYOLAA (Bring Your Own Love, Approval and Affirmation). Sticking to those three seems to mean that I don't pile on too many kilos on a family visit, even though I eat lots of crap!

    London Slimmer

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:27 PM  

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    Tuesday, July 18, 2006

    Night Night

    What is it about food in the evenings? From everything I hear, my own challenge with it --great as it is-- pales in comparison to that of others. And that really sucks. So often people tell me “I was fine all day, and then about 8 o’clock ….”

    First off, I should say that I have in the past overeaten pretty much any hour of the day, morning, noon or night. So I’m not saying that there is necessarily something magical about those evening hours. But it really rings true to me when I hear that, after a satisfying day of food, exercise and activity, someone was caught up short by an unexpected and uncontrolled bout of evening munching.

    While I’m sure that television advertising has an influence there, it doesn’t square in my case, since we don’t have a TV at home. And for me its not about boredom either, because whenever I have free time in the evenings I’m grateful.

    But many is the morning that I've come into the kitchen and run across tell-tale wrappers from the night before. Ice cream bars, crackers, chips, chocolates. Its weird. I never overeat, say, FRUIT at night. Nor do I crave protein or vegetables (all things that I really love).

    So I’m guessing a part of it has to be fatigue. Because sugary carbs always seem to be the thing we turn to when we’re eating because we’re tired. And its probably not just physical fatigue, but also that kind of weariness that can set in at the end of the day, once work is behind us, the dishes done, the dog’s been walked, etc.

    I’m tempted to say that in the evening ‘my defenses are down,’ but wouldn’t that imply that I was ‘fighting’ food? I don’t really think of weight maintenance like that. Its not like I’m holding up a dam of desire that’s busting with hunger. Its not as if I walk around all day plagued by ravenous cravings that I’m putting off until evening.

    Nah, I think its probably some kind of chemical thing. After all, if not for the invention of electric light, I’d pretty much be in bed by 9 p.m. most nights (and earlier in winter). Maybe all of this modern living has screwed up my signals, and I start digging around for stuff to munch on because the artificial light is wreaking havoc with my biorythms.

    Or not.

    Could it just be lifelong habit? Could it have turned into a ritual imprinted on my brain? Kind of like how I can’t fall asleep unless I brush my teeth? And is it possible to change that somehow?

    When I was losing weight, my strategy was to (a) bank up some calories every day for the inevitable night eating and (b) put a stop to it when I’d reached my daily limit. For a long time, I ate 50% of my calories after 5 p.m. But now that I’m working longer hours and getting up so gosh darned early (5 a.m. most days), I tend to eat two-thirds of my calories BEFORE dinner. Which doesn’t leave me all that much to play with.

    So, who knows … pass the popcorn ... and will the last one to go to bed please turn off the kitchen lights?

    5 Comments:

    For me night eatting was a way to relax and give myself a treat at the end of the day - always done on the couch while watching TV. As Dr. Phil says having a "mouth party". A way to "veg out". I now only watch TV when I am on my treadmill.

    Sharon

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:36 AM  

    I spend a lot of evenings dancing and when I get home - often after midnight - I am absolutely ravenous. For me, the trick is not to have anything junky to eat in the house. I'm way too tired to go out and buy anything and, in any case, the shops are closed, so I just have a glass of light soymilk, a banana and maybe a couple of oatcakes and then go to sleep. If I'm at home in the evening, I try to stave off the munchies with gallons of herbal tea. My husband's strategy is to save half of his dinner to eat as a late-night snack.

    One thing that always annoys me, though, is when I read diet advice (yes, I should stop reading that stuff, but it's very addictive!) that tells you that calories consumed in the evening will turn straight to fat, or that you shouldn't eat after a certain time in the evening. I think those people missed Human Biology 101 - energy metabolism and fat storage is way more complicated than that. When I was dieting (rather than maintaining) and I knew I had an evening in, I would save plenty of calories for the evening.

    London Slimmer

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:53 AM  

    Yeah,night eating is a vicious cycle:

    1. we are used to getting lots of calories at night, so we're not hungry during the day.

    2. Access to a larger variety of junk foods at home versus work.

    3. caffeine dosages at work are an appetite suppressant, but I/most people curtail caffeine later in the day.

    4. being at work keeps our brain distracted.

    5. Use food to try to gain energy and (paradoxically) also to help calm down before going to bed. A bowl of serotonin helps me fall asleep.

    6. falling asleep is usually many hours after dinner, and a snack should be planned.

    What I'm trying to combat this:
    Eat breakfast, eat often during the day; plan to eat protein and fruit; leave calories for late night; drink water first, then a glass of wine instead of higher cal.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:55 AM  

    I am always thouroughly amazed when I have a little pig-out session after dinner, especially if I've been good all day. Why in the world would I mess up a good day an hour before I'm going to bed?? Usually, it's only about a 200 calorie spree - some pretzels or chips, a popcycle, whatever. But it's always enough to just push me to a bad number of cals for the day.

    I think you're kind of on the right track, Jonathan, when you wrote about 'your defenses being down'. This rings true for me. Not because I'm 'fighting food', as you suggest, but because of the fight I've put up all day trying to be nice to others that aren't so nice to me, trying to not get PO'ed at the guy who just cut me off while driving home, trying to like a job I can't stand, etc. etc. etc. It's that weariness of living life. I'm weary from acting civilized all day!!! I'm weary from watching the calories all day.

    I'm sure everyone has heard of this little trick, but there are times when I get up from the couch and brush my teeth. Sometimes that will stop me from late-night eating. Sometimes I eat my pretzels with a minty-fresh mouth!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:40 AM  

    Sometimes I wonder if I'm not tempted to eat just BECAUSE I would be having such a good day if I didn't, as if I feel the need to mess things up.

    Lately I try to make do with air-popped popcorn -- I can have a big bowl of it without guilt.

    For me, parties are even worse than night eating because of all the choices that I wouldn't normally have around. And summer seems to be the big party season.

    By Blogger Unknown, at 3:49 PM  

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    Monday, July 17, 2006

    Candy

    Yesterday we stopped by the supermarket on the way home from one of Devin’s tennis matches and it was like a cosmic convergence of the healthy weight management stars. While Devin went off to the deli in search of a sandwich, I headed over to the produce section and … wow!

    Blueberries, strawberries, peaches, plums, cherries … they were all ripe, delicious and on sale. The colors, the aroma, the shape and look of the tender fruit all set my mouth to wandering. And, honestly, I said to myself “I feel like a kid in a candy shop!” So I literally filled my (hand) basket and practically ran to the checkout.

    When I got home, I quickly made up a large fruit bowl and dove in. I even added some amazingly tasty ruby red grapefruit that I had purchased earlier. It was spectacular. The taste and the texture and the aroma – my senses were awash in rapturous enjoyment. Every forkful was a sensation.

    Then again tonight, when I got home from my 2nd job, I pulled out of the freezer some of the veggies from the Chinese market that I’d pre-cut and washed. I sautéed a little garlic and onion and dropped in the veggies. It was unbelievable. The aroma and the colors were so astonishing and captivating. Each bite was an exciting blend (ginger, shallots, garlic, yams, mushrooms, eggplant …. YUM!).

    Seriously, my eyes and mouth were ablaze with excitement. And it never even occurred to me to think about the health aspects. I was just too happy with the eating part! It was pure, unadulterated bliss.

    Its funny, I *think* I used to feel this way about chocolate ice cream. I guess this might have been what I felt like when eating pizza or cookies. But in a way, these fruits and veggies were satisfying on so many different levels, that I’d venture to guess that I actually enjoyed them …. more. More? Enjoy veggies and fruits more than chocolate and cheese?

    I must be going crazy. But don’t touch that last peach. Its got my name written ALL over it.

    4 Comments:

    Jonathan, Thank you for verbalizing what I've been feeling about fruit lately. I have a very powerful sweet tooth, and fruit has been satisfying it just about 100%. Peaches are just amazing right now, and much more. I've been making myself fruit salad almost every day,
    (and I'm headed back to my goal weight in the process.) --Richard

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:04 PM  

    I feel exactly the same at the moment - summer is wonderful that way, with all the fresh fruits and veggies. Berries are so low-cal that I don't even add them to my calorie count. A few days ago, however, I almost succumbed to a binge after an emotionally upsetting event. I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's (my usual binge fare) and went outside in the garden with a teaspoon to eat it. But then, however, something miraculous happened: after a few bites, I realised that I just didn't like it very much; it simply didn't taste good. I threw it away and put some fennel, aubergine and peppers from the farmers' market on to roast and in the meantime ate a large handful of cherries, which tasted FANTASTIC to me.

    London Slimmer

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:13 AM  

    I understand the "enjoying it even more" aspect of eating fruits and vegetables. For me, I'm tasting something delicious, but at the same time I'm also nourishing my body with loads of vitamins, antioxidants, etc. And best of all, there's no guilt or regret like there would be with ice cream, cookies, you name it. It's a great feeling.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:58 AM  

    seasonal fruit and veg. locally grown. ripened to perfection. driving around upstate new york in summer you find retirees selling their tomatoes, a famer selling corn, a truck gardener sitting on the tailgate on the side of a country road with a pile of great produce. keep driving and you hit the all of the vineyards and apple orchards.

    I will never forget buying avocados for 5 cents each while driving from L.A. to San Francisco. Living in California also meant I had loquats and and my best friend had tangerines and we all had our little herb gardens & grapevines & a melon patch.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:34 PM  

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    Sunday, July 16, 2006

    Click, click, click

    In my house, we don’t have television. Devin has a large flat screen hooked up to a DVD so he can watch his violent movies and his comedies, but we have no broadcast video of any kind. Its not because I’m virtuous or a saint, or even anti-entertainment. But on both of my last business trips, there was a nice big TV in the room and from the moment I turned it on, I was wielding that wand like a sorcerer flipping from channel to channel to channel, mesmerized. I could barely force myself to turn it off and go to bed. For me, television is something that I feel most comfortable consuming outside the home. (Like on one of the SEVENTEEN televisions at my gym!)

    On a similar note, one of my favorite bloggers wrote the other day about some terrible eating episodes where she felt out of control and unhappy. If you’ve been there, like I have, you know what she’s talking about. It’s a mindless compulsion similar to flipping that channel changer. You just cannot stop eating. A lot of people jumped in with comments about joining some kind of 12-step program, which I found interesting. The message was: abstinence.

    The thing is, I don’t feel comfortable with any extremes, and I think food abstinence is, indeed, an extreme. I do understand why smokers, or drinkers, or drug users join programs that help them eliminate those things from their lives completely, but I think its different from eating. Unfortunately, I have no scientific reasoning behind that thinking, its just my gut instinct.

    Still, I should explain. There are many foods which I no longer purchase or order at restaurants or go out of my way to obtain. Cookies, potato chips, hot dogs, ‘regular’ ice cream, donuts, etc. etc. I know that once I start with one of those, my trigger is pulled and I’m off and running. For those foods, my rule of thumb is that I only indulge in them if they happen to come my way, in an amount that cannot be overconsumed (i.e. not at a buffet table.).

    For example, the last time I had a CONTROLLED interaction with peanuts, was when I ate a packet on an airplane. Once I was done, I could have eaten two more pounds worth, but of course I was buckled into a seat high in the sky and couldn’t get to any more. And within 20 or 30 minutes, that craving dissipated. So if someone offers me a bite of a cookie, fine. If Devin orders a sweet dessert, I’ll have a forkful. And on rare occasions, I’ll do a taste test at Costco (but only when I’m done shopping and headed for the checkout).

    Again, I’m not virtuous, or saintly, or anti-junk food. Its just that, if I’m told there is something I cannot have, almost immediately my five year-old self comes to the fore. And I get resentful and angry and fling myself to the ground pounding my fists and sobbing …. gimme, gimme, gimme!

    What I’ve learned is that I need to tell my inner toddler something more along the lines of ‘Sure, no problem, if you really want, you can have a little bit now. But let’s wait until later to have more, okay? We can always come back.’ And while I do not have any real children in my life, this strategy seems to work for my imaginary inner self.

    I just need to keep that little wand (and those mounds of potato chips) out of my clicking little hands.

    3 Comments:

    Once again, I picked up on the least important, but most amusing part of your entry- which was your reference to your 'inner toddler.' Baaaa-ha ha! LOVE IT! I'm gonna have to start using that term regularly because I think it perfectly describes me when I get around certain foods! My eyes get big, I get all jittery and excited and all I can think about is "ME SEE FOOD!!! ME HUNGRY!!!"

    On a more serious note, I'm totally with you on the abstinence issue. I have made no food off limits thus far, and while it's resulted in some pretty ugly moments, I don't regret it. I never wanted to leave the 'real world' and create a safe bubble since I knew at some point that I would have to transition back into the real world. So I never asked my spouse to get rid of his junk food because A) I didn't think it would be fair to him, and B) I wanted to learn how to resist it on my own. It's now one of the things I'm proud of now.

    And PS- Thanks for the mention! ;-)

    By Blogger Jolene, at 8:13 PM  

    Ahhh, the inner toddler. Mine has trantrums quite often, though less these days since finding OA. Funny how reading your posts often feel like mini OA meetings (minus the 12-step recitation and other OA mantras). You espouse many of the same ideas and strategies that are suggested in OA and it's great to have that additional back-up on a daily basis. Thank you for that.

    I'd like to point out that abstinence comes in different forms. For instance, my abstinence looks a lot like your efforts to refrain from trigger foods. I avoid trigger foods unless I can have a little bit at the end of a meal and then walk away. That is my abstinence. That is proctecting me from myself - from the addict in me - from the 2-year old that feels neglected and wants comfort. I know that I can't keep a bag of hershey's kisses in my cupboard and that I can't have a carton of chocolate mint ice cream in the freezer because once I start I mentally "checkout" and come to only when the action of shoveling ceases.

    I hope this doesn't come across as preachy. It's just from a girl trying to get her life together. I've been fortunate because I'm not one of those OAers who is so embedded in the addiction that I have to completey give up sugar and flour and caffeine and alcohol and other major triggers. I'm still able to maintain some sanity and I'm able to eat all things in moderation. But people who are going to the lengths to give up those substances, they're doing it for their survival, not because it's a good idea but because each binge steals a little bit more of their life.

    On a side-note: I hear the comment a lot that it's easier for an alcoholic to give up alcohol because he/she doesn't need it to survive like food addicts need food to survive. But food addicts don't need sugar to survive. We don't need caffiene or bleached, enriched, all-purpose flour to survive - and these are usually the substances that binges are made of. Alcoholics don't stop the act of drinking just like the food addict doesn't cease the act of eating. What changes is the substances we consume and WHY we consume them.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:30 AM  

    Thank you, Musa, for the side note. I never really thought about it!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:19 PM  

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