Two-tenths

The scale I get weighed on 'officially' each week measures in increments of two-tenths of a pound (that's 3.6 ounces, from what I can tell). It seems like a pretty small amount of weight. Insignificant perhaps. But its always my favorite amount of weight to lose. Why? My intention in maintaining my weight is not to stray more than 2.0 pounds over my goal. When I go above that, its time for me to pull in the reins a bit. Anything under that and I seem to be doing well and looking good. Last week I was 1.8 pounds over my goal. That two-tenths was a real relief. I felt happy and was glad that I had resumed weighing again (after taking off almost a month). I know my food choices had not been great, but I felt resolved to keep on keepin on. Funny thing though, this past week I slid around the slippery slope a bit, particularly in the evenings. As a result, this morning my official number was 2.2 pounds over my goal. Oh man. Two-tenths! I was so bummed out! You may think this is crazy to 'obsess' about this tiny little amount, so let me explain. In the past, I have lost weight and gained weight in huge chunks at a time (3, 4, even 5 pounds a week up or down). But the more dramatic the amount, the more extreme my behaviors were, and the less stable the loss/gain was. So I might lose ten pounds in a month and gain it all back in two weeks (or vice-versa). So from my perspective, a change of just two-tenths says a lot. It's not dramatic, its unlikely to be the result of anything extreme, and its more likely to be a 'real' number. And even though I realize a glass of water or a small meal could easily change my weight by more than that, as long as I weigh under pretty much the same conditions (time, place, clothing and meals eaten) I think the number is pretty realistic. So here's to two-tenths of a pound. I plan to lose that much this week. Its a little daunting, but I think I can do it!

Hit List

Today I was thinking about what's in my refrigerator, and what's in my cabinets at home and whether I could remember everything (I couldn't). My thought was that what I was buying and keeping at home would tell me a lot about my 'belief system.' So as a proxy, I decided that my Costco shopping list would be a good clue. And don't you think that our shopping lists say just as much about our 'good intentions' as anything else? I don't know about you, but at my house we have a preprinted list for shopping at Costco. It helps prevent us from being overwhelmed by the noise, the crowd, the food hawkers and the sheer insanity of the place. We don't get everything every time (half the time Costo doesn't have our stuff anyway) but the list serves to remind us of what we 'need.' So my list follows. Remember, I live with an athletic person who self-regulates his food intake! I'll put an asterisk next to the things that they haven't carried here in the past six months (hope springs eternal!) Tennis balls Braun toothbrush heads Chicken breast strips Mango Salsa* Edamame Mixed Salad Greens Fresh Mushrooms Fresh Shiitake Spinach Mixed Greens Veggies, fresh Dried Shiitakes Apples Tomatoes Peppers Banana Veggies, frozen "stir fry" Veggies, froz. "normandy style" Frozen ham sandwiches Frozen peaches Frozen blueberries* Frozen strawberries Frozen french soup* Potato Chip Gatorade Napkins Paper Table Cloths Paper towels Toilet Tissue Detergent – laundry Detergent - dishwasher Sponges Boca Burgers Lean Cuisine Liquid eggs Balsamic vinegar Ketchup Yellow Mustard Dijon Mustard Pickles splenda Artichoke Hearts Soup broth Pasta/pasta-based Ziploc bags – large Ziploc bags - small Soap – liquid for hand washing Contact Lens Solution Saran Wrap Riccola* Fruit roll-ups Clif bars Promax bars Gillette Razors Wine Beer

Tea Time

Okay, so I’m a coffee person. I like caffeine – well, I’m certainly addicted to it anyway. But I have grown to love the taste of coffee, and about half the time I drink decaf. One day I might give up caffeine, but in my life coffee is here to stay! On the other hand, I’m trying to be more open to the idea of drinking tea. I don’t love tea, although I never reject it if offered a cup. I think the two things that are hard for me about it are (1) based on my childhood, I associate tea with being sick and (2) I don’t like boiling hot beverages OR iced beverages (for me warm-to-lukewarm is best). Over the years, many friends, fellow weight managers and readers have told me about their joy of tea, and the myriad ways in which it helps them maintain their health and sanity. From time to time, I get up enough motivation to actually go out and buy some. Nevertheless, whereas I will happily get up from what I’m doing and take the dog for a walk to Peets for some java, its not likely I’d do the same for a cuppa tea. But there’s hope. This afternoon while rummaging through my snack drawer at work (nothing but healthy stuff, darn it!), I ran across an unopened box of Peet’s ‘Lemon Rose’ tea. Its tea that I like because it requires neither milk, nor lemon, nor sweeteners. And its caffeine-free. I’ve set it on the bookshelf directly in my line of sight. Maybe tomorrow I’ll even brew a cup. I’ll keep you posted.

Live and Learn

It seems to me that the human personality, however complex, is fairly solidly constructed by the time we reach adulthood – our behaviors, our thoughts, our communicational styles, etc. Perhaps not set in stone, but certainly well established. Personally, I’m not sure we can really alter the fundamental building blocks of our psyche and transform ourselves into some kind of new creature. But what about ‘life long learning?’ At any job, in any relationship, we are expected to grow and learn, adapt ourselves in order to mesh better with those around us. Even individualists and entrepreneurs tap into their resources to create, to learn, and to discover new things. In the past, every ‘diet’ that I tried promised to deliver results and turn me into something new. Whether I was eliminating all fat, or counting calories, or just plain starving myself (ouch), the idea was that I would undertake these behaviors, turn into a thin person and then I’d be ‘done.’ What clicked for me four years ago was the realization that I am who I am, and no ‘diet’ is ever going to alter that. At the same time, I had special insight into the fact that I was—even at age forty—capable of new realities. Here’s the back story. From the time I was in college, I always had a largely dysfunctional romantic life. Twice while I was in my twenties, I went for two years without ever going out on a single date. I simply felt I didn’t have the right character for it, and came to believe that love and relationships were for ‘other people.’ In my thirties, I mostly just sought out casual encounters, and the few times I tried something more meaningful, I ended up feeling deeply hurt. But when I turned forty, and I was talking about this one day with an amazing therapist that I was seeing in Palo Alto, he simply said ‘Jonathan, in everything you’ve told me and in everything I’ve observed, there’s simply no reason to believe that you are not capable of being in a loving, romantic relationship.’ A few months later, I went on a blind date and from the moment I met Devin, I just had that ‘feeling.’ And suddenly, strangely, oddly, amazingly, I was in love. The rest, as they say is history (we were married last October, after being together for four years). Am I a new person? Different? Cured? Not really. I am the same guy with the same issues and the same personality – but I’ve learned how to do something new (and learned where to get help and education). The same is true, I believe, about my weight. I’m not really a changed person, or a new person, I haven’t really altered my world view. I still love to eat and food still holds out an emotional lure for me. But I’ve learned some new things about myself and I’ve used that education to change how I do things and to emphasize healthier thoughts. So, no guarantees. No promises. No road-to-Damascus epiphanies. Just me. Living and learning. Jack.sprat.blog@gmail.com

Garbage In, Garbage Out

The other day I was taking the recycling downstairs to the garage andI noticed that several empty snack boxes were in there. Now, these were 'my snacks' that Devin doesn't like or eat. And I'm pretty sure the dog wasn't able to open the shrink wrap to get them and then have the presence of mind to place them in the recycling bin. And yet, mysteriously, not one of these items appeared anywhere in myfood journal for the past two weeks. Its funny, even after all these years, even after preaching on the topic many times, I still carry around a certain amount of guilt and shame about episodes when I eat/overeat junk food. And those emotions cause me to 'blank out' on certain food choices that I've made, because basically, I don't like feeling bad about myself! But having a food journal that only notes the 'healthy choices' and implies that I'm staying within my calorie range (when I'm not) is really of no benefit. If I only feel comfortable writing down the so-called 'good stuff,' it creates the implication that if I write down the 'bad stuff' I must be a 'bad person.' And a phony journal doesn't do me any good when I get on the Information Machine and see the number rising. Different behaviors lead us to weight gain, so perhaps this isn't something you've come across. But in my case, denial was the single most significant factor in pushing my weight over 200 pounds. Denial of what I was eating. Denial of how much I was eating. Denial of my ever expanding waistline. As it stands, my food journal from yesterday doesn't (yet) mention the 300 or so calories of snack food that I had last night about 10:30 (after a healthy dinner and dessert). I might be a little off in this calculation, but at that rate, every ten days or so I could be gaining an extra pound. Definitely not my desired outcome. The act of journaling is never a chore for me. I track my food on my computer and I have an easy and quick system for entering the data. Having journalled for most of the past four years, I know it works for me and I know its beneficial. So when there are gaps and vague entries, its not about me being too busy or forgetful. Its about denial. And I know what THAT gets me. So, as long as I'm eating the 'garbage' and as long as I'm carrying the wrappers in the 'garbage' downstairs, its time to gently forgive myself and nudge my way over to the journal to do some data entry. Because guilt, blame and shame don't work either. Only information does. Real information.

Disclaimer!

Disclaimer!! Before I go any further, a couple of things: Yes, I work as a leader/facilitator of Weight Watchers(TM) meetings, as a second job. However, my web musing are in no way connected with that employment and nothing I have said (or will say in the future) should in any way be construed as representing that company, its products, or services. Further, out of respect for the rights of Weight Watchers(TM) customers, nothing I write in this blog relates to them in any way, nor do I reveal any personal, private, or otherwise confidential information about them. Additionally, while I lost 50 pounds through attending Weight Watchers(TM) meetings, this blog is not an endorsement of that specific program, or their products and services. My beliefs and knowledge are my own, and reflect my own research, education and experience. The views, opinions and ideas expressed herein are therefore my own. So as to avoid any conflict of interest, I will not be further mentioning Weight Watchers(TM) by name or giving any details or information about the program. If you are interested in learning more, please see their website for details: http://www.weightwatchers.com/ SECOND DISCLAIMER!! I am not a doctor and I don't play one on the internet! I am fascinated by the psyschology and the physiology of healthy weight maintenance, but I have no formal medical education and I am not authorized or otherwise licensed by any authority to dispense medical advice. Any views, opinions, or ideas mentioned herein are therefore not to be construed as medical advice. I know I don't have to say this but please, before undertaking any kind of weight reduction plan, check first with a qualified physician. I am also not a personal trainer and I have no formal physical education degree or certification. Therefore any views, opinions, or ideas mentioned herein that pertain to physical activities are not meant to be a recommendation or endorsement. Again, I know you already know this, but please, before beginning any kind of physical activity/regimen, please check with a qualified medical professional. Whew! Glad I got that off my chest!

An Introduction

Okay, I admit it. Change scares me! I'm a guy who finds comfort in patterns, rituals and routine. I like getting up at the same time every day, I like the daily habits that form my life, and I'm most at ease when I feel like there aren't any surprises about to be sprung on me. At the same time, I have spent my entire adult life on personal 'process improvement.' Because somewhere under my surface of bemused skepticism beats the heart of an incurable optimist. So, from time to time I seem to build up just enough kinetic energy to finally take action and explore something new. But like I said, scary! And I tend to try to dip my toe gingerly in the waters before making any kind of change. Only when I look back on my career and my personal life do I see some steps that were astonishingly daring. I still am amazed that after 12 years in the federal government I left for the uncertainty of the private sector. Its almost impossible for me to believe that several years after that, I talked my way into a transfer to California to set up my very own branch office. And, most incredible of all... I turned out to be a slender, healthy guy, after a lifetime of considering myself to be 'naturally' overweight. Its this single latter accomplishment that occupies much of my thought process these days. Yeah, it probably falls into the category of 'obsession.' But having been through a variety of other obsessions (and compulsions?) at the moment I'm content to work on this one. And a major benefit of this focus is the fact that I've had the opportunity to work with so many other people who are trying to transform themselves, take charge of their bodies, and lose weight in a healthy, sustainable manner. This weekend, while I was out running, the image of 'Jack Sprat' jumped into my head. I know that the nursery ryhme says he was a guy who 'could eat no fat' which is not exactly true for me. But its the idea that he's someone who makes a specific, defined choice about his eating that appeals to me. More on that another time, perhaps. For now, I'm just content to find a place to share some of these musings and invite other 'travellers' to join me. Write me at: jack.sprat.blog@gmail.com