Master Plan

My friend Melissa recently lent me a copy of "Thin for Life" by Anne Fletcher, which I'm enjoying thoroughly. Its so full of wisdom that I want to earmark every single page. Her approach was to study what she calls'masters' of weight loss (women and men who've lost weight and kept it off for a number of years). She gives extensive anecdotes, reports on the latest science, and peppers her observations with sound psychology. I think what strikes me most is her belief that weight loss can indeed be permanent, but there are no one-size-fits-all solutions. Its about finding the right set of factors that get you motivated and then selecting an approach (or multiple approaches) that send you in the right direction. The path is full of obstacles, setbacks, challenges and detours. But, according to the 'masters,' its all worth it. One theme that I found among the stories is that the people who were successful were not supermen or superwomen, but they were dedicated and they acknowledged that weight loss wasn't just going to HAPPEN -- they had to take action. They all had come to face the fact that nobody else in the world was responsible for what they were eating other than they themselves. Listening to the positive affirmations of the 'masters' about their maintenance, it becomes clear that weight loss was a big accomplishment but keeping it off was even more so. They have in their lives reminders of why they want to stay thin, and they have developed the ability to recover from small, temporary weight gains. And no matter what food plan or strategy they use, they are pretty adamant about keeping it up. Let's face it, when it comes to food and eating, its not a simple matter to be assertive. But if I'm going to be responsible for every bite that goes in my mouth, then I need to be able to take control. That means sometimes ordering special dishes in restaurants. It means throwing away 'perfectly good food' from time to time. Last night it meant NOT following Devin into an ice cream parlor (where he was going just to buy a bottle of water). Yesterday a woman began complaining to me about her wheat allergy. What a challenge it is. Wheat is apparently everywhere and in all kinds of foods and having to ferret out non-glutinous foods is a real pain. As mad and annoyed as she was about it, she figured she had no choice -- it was either be healthy or not be healthy. She was most definitely not happy about the situation, but that didn't stop her from taking charge. As I was thinking about this today during my morning run, I think I've developed my own allergy -- to being overweight. It doesn't mean I will never be overweight again, but rather, when I slip and slide towards overweight, I have so many negative reactions in my mind and body that it might as well be an allergen. So my job is to stay healthy and sane by avoiding becoming overweight again. There is no pill or innoculation, so like my friend and her wheat, I'm simply going to have to roll up my sleeves and take charge. And who knows, one day maybe I'll be a master too!

The Ball's In Your Court

My partner doesn't share my issues or concerns related to weight management, but he is equally passionate in his own life about one thing: tennis! Although he is an excellent player, its probably fair to say it hasn't come 'naturally' to him. He's thrown tremendous effort into every step of his progression. First he played on one team and used public courts. He joined another league and eventually joined a tennis club to be assured of more court time. After a year or two he began entering tournaments; first a few here and there, and then suddenly he was playing almost every weekend, even in the cooler months of the year. He has read books, studied videos, attended tennis academy, and otherwise rigorously studied every aspect of the game that could give him an advantage. And the thing that strikes me most is that the psychology of the game has been both the greatest challenge and the source of greatest achievement. Although I don't play myself, its the only sport that I can stand to watch, because its fascinating to me to see two individuals --often of equal physical talent-- slowly tip the scale one way or the other throughout the games and sets. Recently Devin shared with me some wisdom that he got from one of his tennis gurus (FocusTips.com) that really struck me as relevant to my own journey with weight loss and maintenance. Namely that how you frame the situation mentally has perhaps the most impact on long term results. "It is common for players to focus on winning. After all, most of the obvious rewards come from wins. Win and we advance in the tournament, get more ranking points, make the team, help the team win, and more. Trophies, accolades, pictures on the bulletin board, happy parents and coaches and, even, popularity come with winning. It is what we want." Boy, does that sound like the kind of thing you've heard (and maybe thought) about weight loss? But keep going... "There is a huge problem that comes along with focusing on winning: the more we focus on results ... the more anxious we become and the farther from our level we tend to play. It is normal to feel anxious (but) once you start focusing on those tasks you can control, you will be less anxious, you will play up to the high end of your talent and skill ...and...the wins will surely follow." In tennis, the more a player gets psyched out by an individual point, the greater the chance they run of compounding that error into a lost game, a lost set and a lost match. It reminds me of the times I've eaten something I didn't mean to, and then found myself unable to journal it, and then felt so bad I ate something else, and then didn't journal that either, and then ... well, you get the picture. In my own life, I have spent just as much time and effort (although fortunately NOT as much money) as Devin has in learning to hone my skills, find the support I need and improve my 'game.' Lately, I've been stuck focusing on the 'win' (i.e. getting back to my weight goal) to such an extent that I keep slipping up on the individual points. I know what works: not only portion control, exercise and healthy habits, but also mental peace, large doses of forgiveness and a fair amount of tenacity. This bit of wisdom from the sports world is just what I needed today to remind me of that. Tennis, anyone?

Try it, you'll like it!

I often tell people that before losing weight I thought that all vegetables tasted like blue cheese dressing. Because anytime I saw anything vaguely vegetable-like coming my way, I had to douse it in creamy, fatty, sweet stuff to make it palatable. In fact, when I first learned that vegetables were supposed to be the key to my weight loss success, I got very depressed! In the first few months that I lost weight using portion control and healthy eating guidelines, I really struggled to replicate the kinds of foods I had previously been eating, but lower the caloric count. I made sandwiches with 'lite' bread, I made 'pizza' with boboli crust, I switched from full-fat cheese to low-fat, etc. And I worked hard to 'save up' for treats like pastries and cookies and ice cream. But over time, I realized that I wanted something else. At first I experimented with making all different kinds of vegetable soups. And then I moved on to stir frying vegetables and from there to microwaving them. I added more fruit to my diet and cut out pastries. I had chocolate in very small amounts, and instead focused my snacking on higher-fiber foods like popcorn. In the end, I'd call it a 'palate shift.' I can remember hating mushrooms, peas, asparagus, cabbage and even zucchini -- all of which I absolutely thrive on these days. I remember resisting low-fat dairy products and refusing to buy 'diet' ice cream (e.g. Skinny Cows) -- which is all I have in my fridge now. It took a while and a bit of a leap of faith, but when I let down my resistance to trying new things, I learned a lot about tastes, textures and sensory pleasure that I never got from just eating oreos and haagen dasz. And while I'm not saying that pastries and sweets and full-fat products have lost their appeal, I definitely think they have much less of a pull on my psyche. Put differently, I don't 'need' them to feel satisfied. So when people tell me that they're 'picky eaters' or if I see them turn their nose up when I mention healthy foods, I usually just smile and say 'give yourself a chance.' Because after all, doesn't it really just ADD to the mystery and pleasure of food to think that there are things out there that you are going to really love, if only you'll find them? Okay, so I'm not giving up chocolate. But I sure was pleased and astonished when my friend Diane convinced me to try this amazing roll of prepared polenta (with sun dried tomatoes). Mmmm mmm.

Lemonade

A friend sent me another reminder this morning of the power of thinking positively in the guise of another wise newsletter from Annette Colby. One of my personal mantras is that "half of successful weight loss is choosing the food that works for you, while the other half is choosing the thoughts that move you in the right direction." Annette often speaks to that issue, and in particular points out that we can get mired in neutral if all we do is recycle in our minds all of the pain, worry, bother and failure that we witness in our lives. I'll be the first to say that thinking positively takes hard work. There may be some people for whom its natural, but personally I find that staying in the right frame of mind is a real task. Devin often reminds me that 'in the absence of information I always assume the negative, both about myself and others.' I've had a lifetime of practice putting myself down and being critical of my actions and thoughts. A few weeks ago I gave a small presentation at work that had taken me very little time to put together. I felt it was a little amateurish and that I hadn't really done my homework. During the presentation I fielded a number of questions which, to me, seemed to point out all the flaws in my arguments. At the end of the meeting, I was pretty depressed. A half hour later, my boss came by. "Great job, Jonathan! That was amazing work. I'm so glad you're on board." A while later, her boss came by with similar remarks. And of course, my first thought wasn't "Oh gosh, how nice of them. I guess I was wrong." But rather "Sheesh, what's wrong with my colleagues, they have such low standards!!" It was only later, after thinking about it for a while, that I allowed myself to believe that the reason it took me so little effort to prepare and deliver my work is that I'm actually a pretty good communicator and presenter. People like my style (interactive and collaborative) and I put them at ease by acknowledging what they say even when its contradictory to my thesis. So I'm working on this in a couple of ways. For one, I'm still listening to my relaxation CDs. In addition, when I'm at the gym, every time I catch my reflection in the mirror, I remind myself to smile. I also seek out the company of positive, supportive people on a daily basis, who help me stay in touch with the progress, the hope and the possibilities of life. The other day, I called Devin and asked what he was up to. He replied "I'm making lemonade." "At work?" I asked him. And he said, "well, I've had a really tough day, so I'm taking all the lemons I got and I'm making lemonade." So that's what I'll be doing too. (Except that I'll probably make it with Crystal Light).

Control Group

When I talk to people who are experiencing healthy weight loss (or keeping it off), there are many things which differentiate them, but a few things that they seem to have in common. For one thing, people talk about 'making choices' and for another they express feelings of success. Many of them mention eating what they want to, but explain that the "wants" themselves have changed. And lastly, I often hear the word 'control'. What feels so positive to me about these themes is that they are so largely believable, and therefore do-able. And the strategies and changes that they bring up are realistic and long-term. I think the best thing about making choices is the sense that you aren't being told what to do or eat. Even the most adult person feels at least some level of resentment if they feel they are being micromanaged by an outside person or group. Heck, we get enough of that in the working environment! When it comes to success, the factor that seems to work best is to determine one's own accomplishments and acknowledge them. Of course, numbers on the scale tell part of the picture. But overall success is really about the sense of empowerment one has, the feeling that progress is being made, and a positive belief in self. Its funny, when successful losers tell me that 'I eat what I want' I always ask what that means and I always get different answers. One person recently told me that meant beer and pizza on the weekend ('with limits'). Another said 'pastrami sandwiches' and a third told me it was chocolate. Each of them chose different amounts and different kinds of food with a wide range of calories. But having determined what they truly wanted to eat, and then having it at reasonably paced intervals was the thing that left them most satisfied. Even one guy who described himself as being 'disciplined, determined and focused' mentioned that he liked to eat cookies and ice cream and described to me a variety of scenarios and food items that he plans in order to enjoy those things. All of this, I suppose, leads to 'control'. In fact when I watch people use that word, I often see their body language in confident affirmation of their feelings. People speak proudly of what they have done when they feel that, through their own efforts, they've uncovered the strategies and motivators that they need to move forward. And I'm glad that I generally don't hear that 'I lost weight by never ever eating XYZ' or by 'always eating only ABC.' Someone said to me that eating what he wanted meant not to have cereal in the house, but eating it only at restaurants or in other environments where he felt 'in control.' Its strategies like his that I find encouraging. Because I don't know about you, but I don't like to sit around and think about foods I could NEVER have again. I'd rather think about what works when I do it right, and how good it can feel.

Comfort Zones

The other day I was entering data in my food journal and I realized that I felt a little remorseful. The fact was, I felt completely comfortable and satisfied and yet hadn't really eaten very much. Several small, reasonable, low-fat meals and that was about it. It was a contradiction to a belief I hold about the volume and caloric content that I 'need' to have in order to feel okay. It was just surprising how very little it took to reach satiety when I was mentally relaxed, physically comfortable, and emotionally calm. By the end of that day I ended up using up my daily caloric allotment, but the rest of my eating was purely for entertainment purposes, and had little to do with sustenance or nutrition. Because there's no doubt about it, I like to eat. Or, to be more precise, I like the 'act of eating.' There are probably complex physiological and mental processes underway when we eat, but it makes sense that we gain a lot of pleasure in the process. So one question becomes, how can I spend less time in the 'act of eating' without feeling deprived of entertainment, pleasure and comfort? Since I know that I don't really 'need' a lot of food in terms of protein, fat, and carbs to reach optimal nutrition, this isn't a simple issue. A lot of my time spent maintaining my weight has been spent trying to figure out how to make food choices that allow me to continue spending a lot of time eating, while still not overindulging calorically. And, to be sure, I've worked a lot on finding healthy alternatives like exercise, playing with the dog, reading books, and the like to keep me feeling busy. I guess its just a fact that, in the realm of food, the amount and frequency that I truly need for comfort is simply not in line with the volume and duration of the eating process that I desire. So when I reach nutritional comfort, I haven't reached emotional comfort. Yet when I strive for emotional comfort, I invariably sacrifice physical comfort. Its a weird metaphor, but I was thinking about my living room sofa. I used to have an old one, kind of ugly, but really big and comfortable to lie on. Devin hated it and we went around and around until we eventually replaced it with an architecturally beautiful italian leather and steel sofa that was more in line with our home aesthetic. Where the other sofa was all fabric and stuffing, the new one is all angles and stiffness. The first sofa was a real eyesore and had to go, but the new one solves the appearance problem while not being terribly appealing to sleep on. So now when I want to sit and read, I use the sofa. But to sleep I have to actually go to bed. Are there happy mediums, or only tough choices? I'll have to sleep on that.