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  • "Every great accomplishment begins with the decision to TRY!"

    "People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost." --H. Jackson Brown

    "Decide what you want; decide what you're willing to exchange for it; establish your priorities, and go to work." --H.L. Hunt

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    Saturday, September 16, 2006

    Clean Slate

    For the past couple of years I’ve chosen Saturday morning as my official weigh-in day. Because I’m a person who thrives on patterns, organization, and order, it feels good to me to have that kind of structure and consistency. That’s also why I don’t mind keeping a food log (far from it – I actually enjoy writing in my journal). When I look at the trend of my weight (both up an down) I feel secure in the knowledge that having it recorded exactly once a week and then averaged out over time, I have a pretty good measure of where things stand.

    While I was on vacation I never even saw a scale the whole time. It didn’t bother me too much at the time, as I was having fun and getting in a lot of exercise. But it did mean that for a (okay I’ll say it) compulsive guy like me, it felt like something was missing. And naturally I have an “unofficial” scale at home that I checked when I got back. Still, it wasn’t the same.

    Since I started a new job this past week (one of my friends told me its getting hard to keep up!) I had a lot on my mind … returning from vacation, new work responsibilities, a business trip, enrolling in a night course, an incomplete return to my gym schedule, etc. etc.. None of these things were “bad.” They were simply “different” and therefore a little disruptive to my routine.

    In the middle of the week, I found myself way out of bounds on the eating. The sneaking-a-cookie-in-the-hotel incident was just the tip of the iceberg. Over and over I’d start off the day right with healthy and satisfying foods, but by the time evening rolled around, I was in the never-never land of trigger foods.

    As a result, the past couple of days I have been really, really looking forward to Saturday. Not just because I wanted the weekend to begin and have some time to recharge my batteries. But because I wanted to get my new journal started (my food-tracking week begins on Saturday) and I wanted to have a chance to wipe the slate clean. (As opposed to cleaning my plate!).

    It was with great relief this morning that I got my wish. New journal, new number in my weight book, new week begun. Now I can “officially” report that I maintained my weight while on vacation – the first such success I’ve had in four years.

    Its funny because this whole idea of when my weight is ‘real’ and when my food journal begins or ends is complete a construct of my imagination. My weight could be recorded any day, any time. My food journal could be tossed out and restarted at any point that I choose. I felt bad during the week that I couldn’t seem to get a handle on things and “knew” I would have to wait until Saturday. Why couldn’t I just hit control-alt-delete right then and there?

    At any rate, I’m going to just go with it. It feels great to see the clean week ahead and to know that I’ve got six more days to do things right. For whatever reason, that thought fills me with optimism.

    So. Here goes!

    3 Comments:

    I have never been able to bring myself to start over or throw away my journal midweek. I, too, only consider I have a clean slate at the assigned end of my journaling week. I think this helps me keep honest with myself.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:20 AM  

    Separated at birth!? I could have written this post. I thought I was the only one who actually likes journaling my food and who is filled with optimism at the sight of a new food journal. (And we won't even talk about my daily and weekly weight graphs!) I know it would be better to be less obsessive because this obsessiveness is at the root of the all-or-nothing thinking which has derailed me so many times in the past. (Ate a cookie? Messed up my whole day - may as well eat three more.) Could I actually BE in control without the journal, the graphs, the record-keeping? I guess I'd like to live this life style more gracefully and with less of a white-knuckle grip on things because a)it's a bit embarrassing to be so compulsive and b) the flip side of needing such perfection is that I have the feeling that if ever my tight control slips even a little, I'll be off down the slippery slope to overweight before I know what hit me.
    After reading your post I'm able to smile at my need to be in TOTAL control even as I try to relax it, just a little.
    As Dotti of Dotti's Weight Loss Zone (www.dwlz.com) says: "One day at time, no guilt, move on."
    Or in the comforting words of Our Lady of Weight Loss (www.ourladyofweightloss.com) "All is forgiven. Move on."

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:39 AM  

    Yay for a new week and congrats for having a successful maintain over vacation. I have a question. What kind of food journal do you use?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:08 AM  

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    Thursday, September 14, 2006

    Cookie Nut

    For logistical reasons I had to stay overnight in a hotel yesterday. It was very upscale and ritzy, much nicer than the places I normally stay. Of course at the check-in counter there was a huge plate of what looked like freshly baked cookies – large, nut and chip filled monstrosities, just the way I like them. Yeah, yeah, there were apples too. But the cookies…

    Never mind that it was late, and I had already eaten dinner (and brushed my teeth!). Those treats set off a mental alarm bell. And as she handed me the room key, the gracious check-in clerk pointed out that from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m. there was a ‘guest pantry’ whose contents were completely free.

    I wish I could say that I got to my room and went to bed. Because I really was tired last night. It was all I could do to stay awake for the hour-long drive down to the hotel. In fact I even skipped the gym because I figured I’d been a little hard on myself this first week home.

    But you see, there was the matter of this PANTRY.

    In my backpack I brought a nice breakfast for the morning (cottage cheese, fresh plums, and instant oatmeal). I even had some crackers for a healthy snack. For good measure I’d even taken one of those stupid apples from the front desk (I’m sorry, but Red Delicious is my *least* favorite kind).

    Nevertheless, what I actually did was – sit in my room watching TV and waiting until 9:59. Yep, despite everything, I was just itching to get down to that PANTRY. And once the clock hit that magic number, I was off to the elevator bank.

    The room turned out to be quite nice, and actually rather pantry-like! There was fruit, sandwich fixings, coffee and tea, and … and …… and a HUGE plate of those cookies. Although I was alone in the room, I actually made a pretense of making myself some herbal tea and grabbing a fruit cup.

    Then, on my way out, balancing the tea and fruit, I grabbed a cookie. Guilt-ridden, I stuck it in my pocket. As if I was going to be ‘caught’ by someone in the hallway, eating one of those cookies. When I got to the room, I dumped the tea, set the fruit down and – lickety-split in two bites I scarfed down the cookie.

    Here’s the thing. We all know that a single cookie is not going to break anyone’s back. It doesn’t mean I’ll gain weight this week and it was certainly a lot better to eat just one rather than sneaking the whole plate back to my room (Yeah, I thought about it …)

    But what struck me was the ferocity of my desire and the shame I felt for having it. You’d think that with all of my preachiness and attempted role-modelling that I’d have the expertise and resources to avoid simple little situations like that. But no, like a moth to a flame, last night I was inexorably drawn to singe my wings.

    This morning I had to get up at 4:30 in order to meet my colleagues in the lobby by 5 and yes, I visited the pantry again. This time I got coffee (which I needed) and hot water to make my oatmeal (which I needed). The plate of cookies? Polished off in the night.

    Thankfully not by me.

    7 Comments:

    I spend a decent amount of time in hotels or on business trips myself, and I've found that my 'resolve' in hotels/restaurants tends to vary considerably. Sometimes (usually when I've had time to mentally prepare myself) I do very well- I order fruit, veggies, water...it's great! Other times I behave like I've just emerged from a cave and never seen or eaten real food before! I devour the breadbasket, polish off my entree (big enough to feed a family of four), order dessert, etc. I've never been able to figure out how or why my behavior varies so much, as it can be quite frustrating, but I definitely feel the same sense of wonder, shame and disapointment when I overindulge! (I swear, it's somehow linked to the food being free and delicious!) I guess the silver lining is that we're aware of what we're doing, and while we may not be able to stop ourselves from dashing over to the food, at least we're cognizant/mindful.

    By Blogger Jolene, at 7:48 PM  

    I just read this quote, and I made myself the following sign (because I'd been dying for and craving a cookie so bad I almost couldn't stand it -- exactly the kind you describe):

    Cookies do not solve problems; in fact, they create more!

    I like that quote, and I didn't eat one then. But it's hard to overcome my programming from a child that a cookie is soothing and comforting -- especially when they taste good. Okay, enough food porn....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 6:48 AM  

    Jonathan, I am looking at the bright side of your behavior. Despite everything, you exited the Pantry with,and ate, just one cookie. I say Bravo! You were behaving like a true weight maintainer despite your cookie mania. Exiting the crime scene with just one cookie -- and not going back for more! -- was a major triumph. Good for you! --Richard

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:19 AM  

    It is the "LOOSE FOOD" that is just out looking for trouble that finds us all - and when it is SURPRISE LOOSE FOOD - somewhere unexpected, it is much worse.

    My last event like that was a mole/skin check at a hospital - there was a whole buffet - who would be mentally prepared to walk past a whole buffet on the second floor of a hospital wing on their way to get their skin checked?

    Not I!

    Luckily I had one of my kids with me - who would have ratted me out to everyone we met for years afterwards, so I wasn't even tempted.

    By Blogger Vickie, at 9:03 AM  

    Oh, Jonathan, I can SO see you scarfing down the cookie in a clandestine corner of the hotel! And I've done my share of secret guilty scarfing. You definitely had the guilt of that cookie weighing on your mind before, during and after the actual eating of the cookie. Not a pleasant way to consume your points, I must say. I guess it's best to give ourselves permission to eat what we want and at least ENJOY it!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:21 PM  

    Traveling is hard because it gets lonely when you're used to being with someone in the evenings. I understand the need for the cookie and also the need to hide the cookie all too well, I just admire your ability to stop at one.

    By Blogger Unknown, at 2:26 PM  

    How apropos: I just spent a week at a nice hotel, with free hot breakfast, open bar at happy hour, munchies. It took three days to disconnect from the free alcohol, and longer to lower my excitement about the free munchies and cooked breakfast.

    what I find strange is that I don't have this urge when visiting my parents: the food is still free and very delicious and would probably make my mother happy to have me eat. But I convince myself that the effort of it is more than my enjoyment of it. It is also partly the sense of "I already know what that tastes like". There is also the sense that "I can have this next time" which doesn't feel true with the hotel visit.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:38 PM  

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    Wednesday, September 13, 2006

    I Wish!

    They say be careful what you wish for.

    For the past seven months I’ve been pretty bored at work, and have felt like I was spinning my wheels with what little there was to do. My managers knew that, which is why they sent me first to Memphis and then to Michigan to attend a couple of conferences. But I never really thought much would come of it. So any time an internal job posting came up, I applied.

    As luck would have it, I finally landed a position (basically a promotion with no pay increase) just before I went on vacation. So when I returned –tanned, ready and rested—I had to immediately leap into a new environment with new people and new tasks. So far the work is interesting and I’m enjoying my coworkers. But I am suddenly very, very busy!

    I’d love to say that running in the morning and working out at the gym have helped me maintain a sense of calm. But that would be such a lie! The fact is, although I’m very happy with this new situation, I’m more than a little overwhelmed. I want them to like me, I want my work product to be top-notch and I want to make an outstanding first impression. And of course that leads me to tripping all over myself as I try to dance as fast as I can.

    All of this is by way of saying that my eating has really sucked the last couple of days. Mostly its been in the evening that I’ve lost my resolve and nibbled my way through the waning hours of the day. Today was no exception. Its certainly because I’m physically tired and intellectually drained and what I really need is comfort and meditation, not junk food.

    And it really sucks to be in that I-know-what-to-do-but-can’t-seem-to-do-it mode. Although a part of me says “time to batten down the hatches and get back to discipline” I know from experience that at times like these there really is only one solution – forgiveness. So for now, I’m just going to brush off the cookie crumbs and try and get a good night’s sleep.

    Of course, I have a 5 a.m. wake up call since we’re setting up for a conference in the morning. Never a dull moment.

    Wonder what I should wish for next?!

    1 Comments:

    Just to let you know, you're not alone by any means. My 6am conference call - a not-so-stellar review of work I did weeks ago - resulted in my wolfing down an all-white-flour half a bagel smeared with PB and honey. This, after my usual healthy egg-white-omelet-and-veggies breakfast, when I wasn't even hungry - just frustrated!! Oh, the perils of emotional eating ...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:36 AM  

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    Tuesday, September 12, 2006

    TV or Not TV

    While I was in England on vacation, my health club spent a bundle on “upgrading the facilities.” Well … they didn’t fix any of the lockers in the men’s changing area that don’t have latches (and therefore can’t be used). They didn’t repair any of the leaky faucets in the washroom. They didn’t put in air conditioning, they didn’t buy any new exercise equipment, and they didn’t even paint the place.

    No, they dropped their money on adding sound proofing to one small area of the gym, and the rest of it they spent on buying 16 huge new flat-panel television monitors.

    And, okay, you’re probably tired of hearing me rant about the ills of TV. But the one thing I am very happy about, is that they actually *removed* the monitors from several corner areas of the gym where I most often work out. So I no longer have to intentionally avert my eyes in order not to get sucked into whatever game show, soap opera, or car advertisement that’s flashing on the screen.

    But I honestly have to wonder – what went into the decision-making process that led to a health club replacing perfectly acceptable television monitors, with brand new ones? Even if they got them at a good price, there must have been a huge labor cost, as both the old and the new ones were hung from the ceiling on special secure hooks that no doubt were a logistical trouble to install, in this earthquake-prone city.

    The only thing I can think of is that it must be how they impress prospective new members. Rather than having to point out all of those heavy weights and the cumbersome equipment and the people straining and stretching – they can just wave their hand towards the TV monitors and talk about their ‘state of the art’ facility.

    I suppose gym membership must be a hard sell. The fact that I actually ENJOY going to work out and I look forward to it even on days (like today) when I’m pretty tired probably blinds me to the fact that most people would rather just go home and have a drink after work. Or a big mac.

    Anyway, this reminded me of something that happened after a meeting last night. A woman came up to me with a resigned look on her face and asked “isn’t it true that people who do a lot of exercise lose more weight and lose it faster?”

    My response was to say “Well I can only answer the question in a different way. What I can tell you is that all of the research shows that people who have already had success at weight loss and are continuing to MAINTAIN their loss, incorporate a significant amount of exercise into their lives.”

    While I’m no expert on the subject, what I gather from friends who are into marathoning is that intensive exercise like that can actually lead to some weight GAIN. For one thing, people who are strengthening their bodies for endurance need to increase muscle mass and build up good energy reserves. For another thing, in this modern sedentary society of ours, we tend to overestimate how much exercise we truly get, and therefore we tend to overcompensate.

    There are plenty of exercise calculators on the internet that you can look up. I bet if you looked into it, you’d find out that it would take many hours of strenuous exercise, just to ‘burn off’ the calories in a single serving of fast food French fries. I can’t even fathom what it would take to compensate for a big steak, a pile of mashed potatoes, some oil-dressed veggies and a slice of cheesecake. There probably aren’t enough hours in a day.

    Bottom line: for me, going to the gym isn’t about masking my efforts by losing myself in a TV program, and its not about revving my heart rate up so that I can eat more. Its about building core strength, challenging myself and – yes, even having a good time.

    Of course, your mileage may vary. Don’t sweat it, I’m just exercising an opinion.

    2 Comments:

    Thought you'd enjoy reading this article as it ties into your comments today. Thanks for all your words of wisdom!

    http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/12/health/nutrition/12brody.html?ref=health

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:50 PM  

    I get people not liking tv for themselves, but I don't really get it when people are against tv as a concept. Sure most of it is garbage; so are most books. Card games, novels, and women in plays were all considered trashy in their day. I enjoy watching movies or sitcoms while walking on the treadmill. Why is this bad? I happen to hate country music, but that doesn't mean I resent other people enjoying it.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:21 PM  

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    Monday, September 11, 2006

    A Happy Holiday

    Two overdue bills. A laundry basket full of clean, but unsorted, unfolded clothes. A stack of newspapers and magazines to read.

    Not a lot to show for two weeks of vacation, but its all I've got at the moment. (Fortunately I just mailed off my film to be developed so hopefully I'll have at least a few good snaps to remind me of all that fun I was just having.)

    Unable to contain my curiosity, I hopped on my home scale this morning "just to see." Normally I do my official weighing in on Saturdays, but the last two Saturdays I was in England so I've been pretty much in the dark.

    Fortunately, what I saw this morning was a number reasonably similar to my last weight, taken the day I left for Europe. Which means that this time around, I actually achieved what I set out to do. Namely, have a great time, come home feeling rested, and -- importantly -- return without gaining weight.

    That might not seem like much of a momentus occasion to the average person, but to me, its a wonderful feeling. Its the first time in four years that I managed a reasonably long vacation (15 days) which included plenty of exercise and entertainment, but also included plenty of reasonable eating.

    I wasn't perfect, either. Sure, I got in plenty of exercise -- but I never made it to the gym, despite plans to do so. Sure, I did a lot of healthy eating -- but several days I slipped up and had something like TWICE the number of calories I had planned for. Sure, I journalled -- but there are definitely a few days completely missing from my food diary. There were a few times I overate out of boredom, out of anxiety, or from exhaustion. And more than once I ate food I wouldn't have chosen on my own, but which I felt 'obliged' to eat for social reasons.

    But all in all, it seems to have worked out. And that's one souvenir I'll cherish for a long, long time.

    4 Comments:

    Bravo! Good job! You continue to be an inspiration to all of us. Welcome home. --Richard

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:46 AM  

    "I wasn't perfect, either."
    And thank God for that! It reassures me that "good enough is good enough" in the real world. As I begin this maintenance journey I remind myself daily that what totally derailed me in the past was my all-or-nothing thinking, my perfectionism. For me, succeeding at maintenance will mean making good choices MOST of the time, FORGIVING myself for the lapses and MOVING ON. You are such an inspiration! What we DON'T need is a model of perfection. Thanks so much for keeping it real.
    Carol

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:41 AM  

    I have lost the same 50 lbs several times. However, this time I figured out how to lose/maintain my weight by living a fairly "normal" life instead of having the "all or nothing attitude" I have had in the past. It seems to have worked for me (and for you too it seems). GOOD JOB! Glad you are back in the states....

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:24 AM  

    Way to go, Jonathan! Thanks for sharing it all.

    emma

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:28 PM  

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    Sunday, September 10, 2006

    Home Sweet Home

    I guess it says something about me that after getting up at 5 a.m. this morning and spending the next twenty hours travelling, upon arrival in San Francisco I asked my significant other to stop at the supermarket on the way home from the airport so I could buy some vegetables!!

    On my trip today I ended up eating some pretty junky food (jet lag, long waits in airports, anxiety and lack of caffeine tend to weaken my resistance). Fortunately, none of it tasted good enough to make me want to repeat the experience. If anything, it strengthened my resolve to stay on the maintenance trail. It just feels better, both mentally and physically, to eat life-sustaining foods, rather than junk.

    What fascinated me was that both at Heathrow and in Chicago (where I changed planes) there were actually plenty of healthy options to be had. I bought an amazing salad and a wonderful veggie wrap -- both of which were delicious and chock full of nutrition. Of course the bright lights, the advertising and the display cases were mostly filled with caloric land mines -- but it wasn't like those were the only options. We certainly have come a long way, baby.

    One other thing about the airports really sticks in my mind. Although the British (or at least the British media) are very concerned about their population being overweight and there is plenty of visual evidence of that, I will say that the moment I landed in the states it was startingly obvious from looking around the terminal that the American population has gone much, much further towards epidemic obesity. I'd like to think that we have a chance to turn all of this around, but perhaps I'm being a little too optimistic.

    At any rate, I'm excited to be home and filled with such great memories of a wonderful vacation. And while I'm dreading hopping on the scale this week, at least I know that the number I get off that machine will say absolutely nothing about the enjoyment and relaxation I had while I was away. I couldn't ask for more than that now, could I !

    1 Comments:

    welcome home. missed ya.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:58 PM  

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