How to Succeed .... by really trying

When things go off course in my life, I always seem to be conscious of everything that’s not working correctly and all the mistakes I’m making. Whether its eating too much and gaining weight, missing a deadline at work, or having a disagreement with a family member, the challenges are paramount in my mind. Ironically, that’s precisely the kind of consciousness that most of us do NOT need. Because even though there ARE things that go wrong and actions that we DO regret, the more we focus on those the less energy we have available to change our behaviors and patterns. I’m reminded of that character in the Swedish movie “My Life as a Dog” who, whenever he picks up a glass of milk, becomes so petrified of spilling it, that his hands begin to shake until he DOES spill it. Focusing on failure, can lead to more failure. That’s why, when all is well in life –particularly for us healthy weight maintainers—it’s really important not to take things for granted. When you do have the ‘click’ (as I call it) and are able to make healthy decisions and think healthy thoughts, you would be well advised to commit to memory (or at least to pen and paper) the actions, situations, circumstances, people, events, etc. that are going on. Because when the hard times come –and yes, they will—if you don’t have a strong vision of what DOES work, you can become a hardcore expert in what doesn’t. It can be easy to remember meals eaten to excess, disastrous trips to the buffet, lapsed gym memberships, vacations that led to throwing in the towel, etc. But when things are feeling lousy and you don’t know what to do next, imagine how powerful it would be if you had a reserve of ideas, situations, feelings and activities that you’ve proven to be a part of your past success. These don’t have to be huge things. For example, I know that if I’m to lose weight, at least one meal in my week has to be soup-based. I know that when I’m maintaining, there is a certain feel to my trousers and belt when I put them on. When I get on the scale and have my weight recorded once a week, I’m more likely to make healthy food choices. When I seek support from others and actually listen, I know that means I’m making changes that will last. When I continue to enjoy food, but stop eating relatively early in the evening, I know that I’m experiencing satisfaction and paying attention to my body’s signals. So, regardless of what your scale said the last time you checked, have you thought about what you’re doing RIGHT? Do you have an arsenal of ideas that can lead you to the FEELING of being successful? Are you aware of the clues that say “I feel great!” Fortunately, today was one of those days for me. A balance of things that were easy to do, things that were a challenge, and hints and signals that told me the decisions I made were working for me and moving me in the right direction. Now if only I could bottle that ….

Verbose

Today as I was pondering a just-barely-avoided eating episode of the previous evening, I found myself searching for the exact way to describe to myself what was going on. Now anyone who knows me can tell you that I'm never at a loss for words. Talking, writing, communicating electronically – that's my world! So this is something that I really want to solve. You see, last night, I wanted to eat. But the phrase "want to eat" doesn't convey in any way the depth or intensity of the feeling I was having. Because in fact, I was experiencing a very strong desire for the stimulus and the feeling that I know I get (and love) from eating. Even to say that I was yearning (1) for the comfort of the eating experience doesn't quite nail it down. And here's why I want a word (or a verb) for it. Because in my domestic life, I do not observe this feeling (or craving (2) or whatever) from my partner. Apparently there are actually people out there who do not reach for food as a pure emotional/psychological rush. As a result, to say "I was hungry" or "I wanted to eat something" is so far off the mark, its like saying "I have a car" when what you really own is a Ferrari. Shades of meaning. At any rate, last night after I had a sensible, tasty and satisfying dinner and had achieved a nice feeling of fullness, this … foodache? (3) …almost overwhelmed me. I heard my internal voice saying "I deserve to keep going" and "Nothing is going to stop me, I need to eat." It was a very compelling moment. Since I've never (to my knowledge) been addicted to anything stronger than caffeine, its just possible that this experience is akin to what goes on with other people who are over-using other substances. But personally, I abhor the term "abuse" when it comes to food. For me, food is not only necessary, it is fulfilling, and pleasurable. And I feel that food hunger is hard-wired into my system to keep me alive. (Okay, yes, I recognize that there are eating disorders that involve addictive behaviors and ingesting unheard of quantities – but that kind of punishing desire is not what I'm talking about here). Curiously, in the case of last night's episode, I actually became distracted working on a job application. Being a …word-y? … I can easily get caught up in writing and rewriting the way some people get lost in puzzles or knitting or what have you. And suddenly I noticed an entire hour had passed and the … longing (4) … had abated enough for me to simply brush my teeth and go to bed. So what'll it be? I'm still working on it. Merriam Webster says : (1) Yearn: to long persistently, wistfully, or sadly (2) Crave: to want greatly (3) Ache: to experience a painful eagerness or yearning (4) Longing: implies a wishing with one's whole heart and often a striving to attain

2:38

God, I hate when its 2:38 in the afternoon! You see, I have this weird self-imposed rule. No matter what time I've had lunch (or even if not at all), I always schedule my afternoon snack for 3 p.m. I figure, it's a nice midpoint in the day and will keep me satisfied until the gym, my after-work part-time job, errands, or whatever. Now, I don't know about you, but I love food and I find it endlessly entertaining. (What's that? You too?) So when I'm particularly bored at work (and I have a particularly boring job right now), I'm drawn to thinking about my 3 p.m. repast. Usually its just some popcorn, or some crackers or (if I'm desperate) a piece of fruit. But I can think about it and salivate over it for hours. Its especially tantalizing if I get stuck in one of our afternoon meetings, which are not only insanely boring, but often go until (gasp) 3:30 ! I'll sit there vainly attempting to distract myself by taking notes. Or even worse, participating in the usual contentious debate going on. I try not to look at my watch too much. Sometimes I even occupy myself sufficiently to make it all the way to 3:00 without thinking about it. There are things I can do to stay busy, even if its just moving files around to put things in better order. Funny thing though, I never, ever FORGET. I can't think of a single day this summer when I've actually gone all afternoon at work and thought "Oh gee, wow, look at that, 5 o'clock and time to go and WHOOPS, forgot to eat my snack." Nope, ain't happening. Of course, this is never an issue on weekends. Usually I'm active enough and/or busy enough that snacking doesn't really cross my mind. And when it does, I quite often take a nap, instead. And so, since I can't nap at work … I await my snack. Oh good, its 2:46 !

Passive Voice

The other day someone said to me “I don’t believe in this.” I asked her what she meant by “this.” She replied “I’ve tried and this doesn’t work.” Again I asked “what do you mean by ‘this’?” And she said “this whole weight loss thing, its just too hard.” I still needed to know from her precisely what this “thing”was and what specifically was “too hard.” She couldn’t answer. Believe me, I’m about as compassionate as they come in terms of the challenges behind healthy weight management. I’m also invested with a strong desire to help others through some of the issues that I went through myself and to give back the positive energy that I have received (and continue to get) from so many others. It does strike me, however, that when we protest vaguely about the difficulties and throw up our arms in frustration, we’re not really doing ourselves any favors. In my own case, the general sense that weight loss would involve ‘sacrifice’ and would feel ‘abnormal’ kept me from exploring healthy alternatives for many years. I would starve myself on a diet as a quick fix and then binge all the weight right back, feeling more convinced than ever that “this whole weight loss thing was just too hard.” What helped me, finally, get past this mindset was to stop focusing on the big picture, to stop blaming the universe and to start exploring what possible changes I could make that felt do-able over the long term. It was definitely hit or miss. It took me months and months to get over the “dieting” mentality and to understand that smaller portions didn’t necessarily equate to deprivation and hunger. Similarly, it was a while before I came to see that simply being more active was a lot more helpful than forcing myself to do grueling, unpleasant gym workouts. Most importantly, I had to get over my denial. My dearly held belief that my being overweight had NOTHING to do with the food I was eating, but instead was a result of … well, I don’t know what, but the result of something unknowable and unfair. In the area of healthy weight and nutrition, there are lots of things I can’t do. There are lots of things that I simply find difficult. There are even a few things I don’t believe about myself. But none of that really matters. What works for me are specific strategies, clear goals, and precise actions. Shop for vegetables. Take the stairs more often. Imagine how good I’ll feel at the beach in a bathing suit. Drink enough water. And you know what? None of that is too hard and, more importantly, IT WORKS.

Get Comfortable

An odd paradox of my life is that I have both a strong affinity for staying inside my comfort zone, and an on-again, off-again desire for change. I remember this most vividly from the time when my company moved me (at my own instigation) from Washington, DC to San Jose, California. The move excited me and scared me, and so I spent the first few months in my new home trying to replicate all the patterns (gym, dog park, friendships, church, etc.) that I had back East. Naturally, that was a disaster. I was never content until I was able to relinquish some old things and embrace some new ones. As a result, I make an effort to remain aware of my general resistance to change. Yesterday, my boss asked me to consider going away for a two-week training to the mid-west starting next week and I immediately said “NO!” After all, it would mean dropping everything I have going on right now. I would have to do something (gasp) different! Thinking it over, however, I realized the opportunity would be a good one, and as much as I hate the idea of leaving town for that long, I also am trying to be extremely strategic about my next career move, and so I can’t afford to be complacent. I made a few arrangements, and to be perfectly honest, the thing that made me feel the most reassured was not registering for the training, or getting substitutes to fill in for me for my part-time job, or getting the right plane reservations. The thing that helped me breathe a sigh of relief is that I found a hotel room with a kitchenette! Okay, I know I am a hard-core weight maintainer, but even I can get a chuckle out of that. Of all the dozens of logistical maneuvers I need to pull off in the next week, that simple hotel reservation was the thing that said to me, in bold flashing letters, “COMFORT ZONE.” There was just something about the idea that I would have my ‘own’ fridge and my ‘own’ microwave that helped me visualize the trip as a worthwhile move. I know from the past that I can’t expect to replicate my comfortable life for two weeks on a business trip. But when I think to other trips I’ve made, that one little thing (having a kitchen) has often made the difference between feeling like I’m in control, or feeling like I’m out of control. Ironically, when I got to work today I was told that the trip might be cancelled and immediately I was indignant! I began to fight for the very thing I had opposed the day before! After all, that two week trip was now a solid part of my comfort zone, and how dare anyone take that away! Oh well. I guess I’ll never be “cured.” But that’s okay. Right after I return from Michigan I need to turn around and fly to England for two weeks vacation. Here we go again!

Looking Back to the Future

I have to admit it's a little hard to write something interesting or inspirational after a weekend of seemingly eating everything in the house that wasn't nailed down (and a few things that were). But maintenance has taught me that these things come and go … In the media last week there were the usual conflicting stories about weight and health. Its hard for the average person to know what to make of it all. So I always suggest digging down to the source material, whenever possible. First off there were the blaring headlines that Americans are now so fat we don't fit into x-ray machines any more. I saw this reported nearly everywhere. I've never seen an 'x-ray machine' let alone been inside one, so I wasn't sure what to make of this. Nevertheless, I dug until I found the origin of the story, from the Radiological Society of North America. It does confirm the concept of the headlines, but the methodology was interesting. The researchers searched on the phrase "limited by body habitus" in the medical records for x-ray failures for the years 1989 – 2003. They found a rise in reports that was "small but progressively increasing." In my mind, anyway, that's a lot different from "we're too fat to be x-rayed." But that's the sound-byte. Second, there was a long piece in the Sunday NY Times (love that paper) about the difference between the health status of American men in 2006 versus their ancestors who fought in the American Civil War in the mid 1860s. I couldn't find the citations, but the Times reported that record keeping for the war veterans showed an amazing number of ailments and maladies that led to difficult and short lives for many of the men in the mid 19th century. By way of contrast, the Times also showed contemporary photographs of the robust and, well, significantly overweight, descendants of a few of those veterans. The point made overall was to "illustrate what may prove to be one of the most striking shifts in human existence — a change from small, relatively weak and sickly people to humans who are so big and robust that their ancestors seem almost unrecognizable. Humans in the industrialized world have undergone a form of evolution that is unique not only to humankind, but unique among the 7,000 or so generations of humans who have ever inhabited the earth." Hmm.. better overweight than dead. So. We're too fat to fit into x-ray machines, but we're the healthiest generations of humans ever to walk the Earth. Go figure. As a lay person, I don't know what to make of any of this. Perhaps its that we ought not to look to the past for inferences about the healthiest approach to living. Circumstances (food, medicine, culture) have advanced so much in the industrialized world that we probably need new paradigms to decide what defines "good health." I'll think about this as I have my salad for lunch today.