What a Treat

Today was a (rare) beautiful summer day in San Francisco. After work, I got home and went to the gym and then ran errands. My weight has been amazingly low lately, and I’ve been eating well, so I decided to ‘give myself permission’ to hunt down something to snack on while I was walking around with my (decaf) coffee. I didn’t want anything manufactured or packaged and sold at Safeway or Walgreens, so I thought I’d look for something a little different. Naively, I thought, ‘surely I can find a little something for around 250 calories or so.’ Yeah, right. I stopped by a couple of markets and bakeries, and looked at chocolates and baked goods. The ones that had labels were astonishing. There was one store that had cookies for about 250 calories. Except that the ‘serving size’ was HALF of a cookie! I looked at a couple of imported chocolates from Europe. One of them had 220 calories for ONE-THIRD of the bar. As I kept looking, I realized I was kidding myself. Now, I’m not saying that there would have been ANYTHING wrong with me buying and eating any of those things. Its just that, having been focused on healthy food and weight maintenance for so long, I think I’ve gotten a little stingy about what I’ll ‘spend’ my calories on. And after about 20 minutes I just packed it in (I’d finished my coffee anyway). I was still in a good mood, I was still enjoying the sunshine, I was still having fun walking around people watching, and I suddenly realized something, kind of shocking and amazing. I didn’t NEED a food treat to make things any better than they already were. So I tossed the coffee cup, and walked home, peaceful and content. Yes, today was a rare day indeed! What a treat.

Mainstream

Last night during a business dinner, my seat mates and I got into a wide ranging discussion of all the impolite things (race, politics, religion, etc.). It was a lively conversation and we shared a lot of personal views and experiences. At one point I mentioned a bit about my work with weight management, however, and the table fell silent. Its not that my companions were offended – none of them were overweight, and god knows we had been talking about all kinds of un-PC stuff. But I think when it came to me talking about healthy eating, behavior change, and weight loss, it was just too ‘out there’ for them to have anything to say. We quickly moved on to other topics. It made me so glad to have my support group, my part-time work, and this blog. People and places I can rely on to ponder over and vent about this whole maintenance thing. Because I need to have the opportunity to talk about my ‘issues’ and to hear what other people are saying about their own efforts, in order for this to work. I’ve said it before, but if this passion of mine is an ‘obsession’ than so be it – at least this thing that occupies my mind and my time is based a concern for healthy living. On 120-mile drive home today I had plenty of time to think about food, eating, weight management, exercise and the like. Since the meeting ended around noon, many of my colleagues went off in search of a great restaurant they’d heard about. But I just hopped in the car with some low-calorie snacks and big bottle of water and hit the road. On the way, I stopped at one of those sprawling, messy ‘outlet malls’ to see if I could spend a little money I didn’t have on a few things I didn’t need. Those are such horribly fascinating places for a city guy like me. That’s where mainstream America shops, I realize. It was all about fast food and large clothing sizes. (Try going to an outlet store and asking for a men’s SMALL in anything!). I actually ended up buying something from the boy’s section of a sports store and then hitting the road again. Its easier to be mainstream. Its less of a struggle to go with the flow. The entire economy is structured on what happens in the ‘middle.’ And doing what we do, day in and out, thinking about new healthy foods, more exercise options, and a different mindset about how to be fulfilled without necessarily being filled … well that’s a challenge. But let me tell you. When I got home, I pulled out a bag of pre-cut veggies from the Chinese market and made myself the most AMAZING stir-fry. And then I went through my shopping bags and put on that small pair of shorts I had just purchased so I could walk the dog. And you know what? This might not make great dinner table conversation, but it most definitely made my DAY.

Free to Be Me

Usually I enjoy going to conferences for the social and professional aspects, but dread them from the exercise/healthy eating perspective. One thing that I hear quite often from others with concern about weight, is that when attending these things, we’re often captive to other people’s agendas, and so don’t have the ability to make our own choices. I like to call that being held “food hostage.” Fortunately, I’ve learned a lot over the past couple of years, and one thing that I’m getting better at is empowering myself to do what I feel I need to do. For instance, for me, exercise is a powerful antidote to the brain drain and lethargy that comes from sitting in a conference all day. During business trips, its tempting for me to look at a day’s schedule and say ‘oh well, I just won’t have the time.’ But what I’ve discovered is that skipping exercise usually leaves me feeling tired and cranky. So I have to MAKE the time. And I’m never sorry for doing so. Today I managed to squeeze in a 40 minute run after the last meeting and before the dinner session. I was worried it might tire me out, but I discovered that not only did the run clear my head (I got lost and spent a lot of time trying to find my way back), but afterwards I felt rejuvenated. So when I did get to the rubber chicken dinner, I was relaxed and felt comfortable and in control. And another thing. The dinner menu was fixed, but I decided to go ahead and speak to the wait staff regardless. I simply said “I have a couple of requests, so please let me know if there will be a problem.” The waiter wasn’t sure if they could do what I wanted (really, very simple things – I just wanted less dressing and more veggies!) but I smiled and said, “that’s okay, just let me know if I’m being unreasonable.” And, of course, he came back and said that it would be fine. And I ended up having exactly what I wanted. So what’s the bottom line? I am enjoying this conference a great deal, and that’s because by being active and healthy, I feel more alert, I feel empowered, and –most importantly—I feel like a participant, not a conscript.

Two Tales of One City

It was a cold and foggy night .... But of course, that's pretty much a given in San Francisco in mid-summer! At any rate, I had to work my second job this evening and since I ride (a couple of miles) there and back on my bicycle, I was pretty pooped when I got home. And I was definitely ready for dinner. (Fortunately, I had plenty of water to drink today and wasn't too thirsty.) So I grabbed the salad (which I made yesterday) sat down, and tucked in to it. When I was finished, I felt a bit better, and so I made a light sandwich and a smoothie. Then Devin came in. He'd gotten stuck on mass transit (a bus accident of some kind) and it took him several tries to find a train that would get him within walking distance of home. He mentioned he didn't feel well and needed to sit down. After gulping down a big glass of water he told me that he'd stopped at a 'donut shop' to buy dinner. (In San Francisco, donut shops are kind of oddly named, since in reality they sell a variety of low-quality fast foods). He said the chicken and cheese sandwich he'd eaten tasted kind of 'off' and that's what was upsetting his stomach. He also felt the walk home was kind of an ordeal, almost a whole mile. Now of course, I'm not making fun of him. (Okay, well not too much.) But it struck me that at least in this instance, my 'obsession' with healthy living paid off. Since I do a lot of cardio work, I find my Wednesday bike ride easy (its also flat!). And because I know how easily dehydrated I get, I'm always sure to have a bottle of water with me. Most importantly, I like to know that when I get home from work there's a healthy meal waiting for me -- something that will fill me up and is quick and easy. So at this point, I'm satisfied and comfortable and I'm pretty much all set to make my long drive (I'm attending a conference in Monterey and have to get down there tonight). Meanwhile, Devin's on his way to play tennis, feeling a little queasy, and winded. I guess its like they say, Age and Wisdom trumps Youth and Beauty.

Best Laid Plans

My work team is going away for an offsite brainstorming session the next few days. Of course, the first thing I did was to go the internet do to some hunting and planning. I dug around for place to go run that would be nearby and might also be enjoyable. I also checked with the hotel about finding a ‘real’ gym where I could go for a workout. And of course, I had to locate a good supermarket! Fortunately, since its Monterey, none of those things are hard to find. I think one of the biggest bugaboos about being healthy for a lot of us is the fact that its pretty much incumbent on us to do our research. My other colleagues can go for the advertised “healthy breakfast” (I checked, its pastries and cereal). Me I’d like a piece of fruit, so I guess I’ll be bringing that. My coworkers, will either sleep in or hang out watching tv, but I’ll be out there jogging my little heart out. And at the end of our ‘grueling’ day of meeting, when they head to their rooms for a nap, I’ll be going to the gym. Or not. Because a long time ago I taught myself that being prepared is necessary but it doesn’t mean you can’t go with the flow, if that turns out to be the only option. There are simply times when, no matter how noble your intent, things just don’t work out the way you hoped. The important thing for me, however, is not to use that as an excuse to NOT investigate. So what if I don’t run, or don’t get some healthy snacks, or hit the gym, or even journal. The idea is that I have given myself something very powerful. The choice to make my own decisions. And if planning ahead is what it takes, so be it. I’ll let you know how it works out.

My No Good Awful Bad Day!

Today was what my college German teacher used to call a ‘blauer Montag’ (Blue Monday). I should have figured that out when I woke at 4:30 and wasn’t feeling well. Or else again at 5:30 when I finally got out of bed to get my running clothes on and feed the dog – who promptly ran back to his bed and curled up and didn’t want to go out with me. Or else when I got to work and was so ticked off at my coworkers that –even though I felt crappy and had eaten too much for breakfast—I went and had a coffee and a snack. At lunch time I went to the gym and put myself through a real workout to see if I could change my mood. Nope. Then, at my part time job tonight, I felt tired and cranky, and had an overwhelming sense of failure at what I was trying to accomplish. And of course none of this stopped me from eating my full complement of food today. Not even the fact that my main malady was a stomach ache! And did I mention it was cold, grey, and foggy all day? Sigh. So this is maintenance, huh? Yikes. I thought when I got all skinny and lost the weight that my life was supposed to be perfect and I’d never have food issues or negative self thoughts again. Yeah, right. I read something on Angryfatgirlz today that reminded me of something, however. In the ‘old days’ when I had a day like this, I can guarantee there would have been an empty ice cream carton or two, a demolished pizza box, and probably a couple of candy wrappers lying around. Because I used to use food to cure a bad day. Or rather, I used to eat junky fats and carbs to numb myself on a bad day. Today I ate a lot, sure. But I ate vegetables and fruits and salads and made healthy choices all day. And no, that doesn’t make this day any better. But it does mean I have the opportunity to wake up tomorrow with no food hangover, no bloated tummy, and no regrets. And that, my friends, is the best kind of maintenance of all.

What Goes Up...

Every Sunday morning I get up, eat breakfast, and then run nine miles. Let me just say that again. Every. Sunday. I. Run. Nine. Miles. Wow. Its amazing because if you had told me six years ago that when I was in my mid-40’s I’d be running about 24 miles a week, I would have been a tad skeptical. At the same time, this isn’t really some kind of astonishing gee-whiz accomplishment. (For that, I defer to my friends Danielle and Donna, both of whom run 13 mile half-marathons ‘for fun.’). On Sundays, I don’t come back from my run, collapse into a bath, call a masseur and then spend the rest of the day in bed. Most of the time I just duck in the shower, throw on some decent clothes and go to mass. And last Sunday Devin and I went for a long walk on the beach. And to me, that’s the cool part. Not so much that I can run so far, but that it hasn’t killed me or (knock wood) injured me. The only real difficulty I ever have is getting out the door. Because in my head, there’s a little voice that always says “running is so hard” and “that’s a really long way to go.” But once I put on my shoes and turn on my iPod, I can usually get out the door and down the street and the next thing I know, I’m enjoying myself. So while I’m in no way trying to minimize how great it is that I can run so far, I am trying to reframe how I think about it in my mind. As long as I think about my Sunday run as this ‘big challenge’ that takes strenuous effort, its always going to be hard to get started. Yet I go to the gym to lift weights all the time and it almost never seems like a chore. And I definitely never skip going to the gym for fear I won’t be able to complete a workout. The other day, I was complaining to some friends of mine about how in San Francisco when I ride my bike it seems like I’m always riding uphill, with a headwind, and against the traffic. I have to ride up a hill to get to work, to get to the gym, to get to the supermarket, the doctor’s office … pretty much everywhere. But as my friend Doris responded, “Jonathan, the hills are just the thing you REMEMBER.” So, with that bit of wisdom in mind, last week I paid particular attention to every time I get to COAST on my bike. And it turns out that on some of my routes, if it weren’t for traffic lights, I would hardly have to touch the pedals at all. There are not only great hills to go UP on my rides, there are (obviously) an equal number to go DOWN. My Sunday run is also hilly. Today at the highest point, my ears actually popped! And when I contemplate getting started, I often groan about these hills and how tough they are. But really, that’s not the whole picture. Because for every hill I run up, there are hills I run down. Not only that, when I get to the top of the highest part of my run, I almost always feel fantastic and am astonished by the view. (Sure, I’m panting!) So how ‘bout this? “This morning I had the OPPORTUNITY to run.” And it felt great.